"Sweet Dreams"

Nick, my boy
I missed you all through out memorial day, you and Shelby both. I visited your garden 3 times today. Journey, LLoyd, Darrin and I brought you and Shelby a yellow balloon today. We also brought you a flag. The garden was absolutely amazing today. Never have I seen so many flags and flowers in one place. It was beautiful and bitter. There were so many people there. All in honor of our loved ones, and to honor all those who have served our country. I cried a lot, it was a very emotional day. I miss you Nicholas so freaking much, I miss my precious Shelby too. I miss being her Nana, and loving on her. Taking her places and feeding her ice-cream. There was so much we never got to do together. My heart has been so sad about what could have been. I see all your friends having babies and getting married and having a beautiful life together. And I look at pictures of the 3 of you and think....what was wrong with that picture, that beautiful brand new family??? For the life of me, I will never understand it. My heart is broken for jessie, she has lost so much. She misses you so much Nick, we are both sick over losing you and our Beautiful Butterfly!!!I am gonna try to get some rest son. I haven't been sleeping well the past week or so.I am busy writing and learning all about writing. It is a journey that only the Lord could take me on son. It will be magical and amazing when it's all said and done. I will sqeeze as much love, wisdom, and blessings out of it that I possibly can. I feel like I am doing what I was meant to, after all these years. Besides being your moma and Greg and Journey's, I KNOW I was born to get an important message out into the world, and it is so much bigger than I could ever imagine. I miss you Nicholas, I miss you always. I will write you later. "Sweet Dreams" my love, sweet dreams. I love you more ~moma~