I love you Nicholas

I'm gonna tell you "Sweet Dreams" now baby. I am gonna spend the rest of the evening playing Lego's with Greg, Journey and Dad.
I miss you, hugs and 3 kisses.
I love you more ~moma~

To my Beautiful moma, with love, hugs and 3 kisses, love

I'm writing this from heaven where I dwell with God above. Where there's no more tears or sadness, there's just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy, just because I'm out of sight. Remember that I'm with you, every morning, noon and night. That day I had to leave you, when my life on earth was through, God picked me up and hugged me and he said "I welcome you. Its good to have you back again. You were missed while you were gone. As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on."

Then God gave me a list of things He wished for me to do. And foremost on that list of mine, is to watch and care for you. And I will be beside you every day and week and year. And when you're sad, I'm standing there to wipe away the fear. And when you lie in bed at night the days' chores put to flight, God and I are closest to you in the middle of the night. When you think of my life on earth, because you're only human, it's bound to bring you tears. But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain. Remember, there would be no flowers unless there was some rain.

It's always God's philosophy and I'd like it for you too, that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you. If you can help someone who is in sorrow or in pain, then you can say to God at night, My day was not in vain. And now I am content that my life was worthwhile, knowing as I passed along the way, I made someone smile. So if you meet someone who is down and feeling low, just lend a hand to pick him up as on your way you go. When you are walking down the street and you've got me on your mind, I'm walking in your footsteps only a half a step behind. And when you feel that gentle breeze or the wind upon your face, that's me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embrace. And when it's time for you to go from that body to be free, remember you're not going, you're coming here to me. And I will always love you from that land way up above. We'll be in touch again soon. P.S. God sends His love.

Son

I'll never let you go...never never never never never never...ever. I miss you

Well, Chritsmas day is over and I am glad, it was a most difficult day for me. I can't stand being without you...it kills me everyday..sometimes I don't want to live without you. Some days I don't even want to get out of bed! Like I said, I do it for Greg and Journey period. Otherwise I think I would lay in bed all day and sleep my life away, or join you, or just lay there til I died. My heart is so broken and hurt so bad day after day being without you. Time makes it worse, the more time that goes by the more my heart seems to ache for you.
It was a very rough day, a day I wish I could have skipped knowing I would wake to not find you in it, in my life, in out home, in my presence.
I don't have anything else to say except...I miss you unbelieveably!!! I can't hardly stand to be awake, to go on and to pretend that I am okay without you...cause I Am Not. My heart seems to break a little more with every passing day, will it ever end? I don't think so.
I miss you so much my Beautiful Nick.
I love you more ~moma~

I love You more son...~moma~

Beautiful Christmas Son

I Love you so much sweet Nick, I miss you so badly today.....
I love you more ~moma~

We, Lloyd, Greg, and Journey Rose have dedicated a Christmas ornament in your name son. You are Beautiful. All my undying love for you son, always and forever in my heart , on my mind, and in my dreams forever. Tell Jesus Happy Birthday. I love you. I miss you so very much my precious beautiful son Nicholas James Devine.
I love you more ~moma~ In the Honor and Admiration of My Beautiful Nicholas James Devine ~moma~

For you my special Beloved missed son. I miss you so much. I love you more ~moma~

I love you sweet son

I miss you so much right now it hurts so deep and so bad there are NO words!!! Merry Chritmas eve son.
I love you more~moma

I miss you....

★MERRY CHRISTMAS ANGEL NICK★


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MY Beautiful Nick,

Sweet son,

I had a better day today...court was a huge victory!!! Praise God.

I miss you sweet Nick, so very very very much....I can't believe one can miss another person, loved one as much as I miss you!!! It has been 14 long agonizing, tormented, painful. heart wrenching, aching, tear filled, emotional, neurotic, grief stricken months!!! Those are just words to people who have never lost a child...let alone one to suicide.

I love you Nicholas James Devine. I miss you so much my sweet boy.

I will write you later,

I love you more ~moma~

Good morning my Beautiful Son

Hi sweet boy,

I love you...I miss you terribly. The past 3 day's I have struggled with missing you something awful.

I just wanted to tell you good morning and that I love you before I have to leave this morning.. I will write you later today when I get back home. Pray for moma, rough day today, rough night last night.

I love you more ~moma~

Hello my Beautiful Nick

I love you more ~moma~

Sweet Dreams sweet boy,

I love you sweet son, I miss you so much. Sweet Dreams my sweet angel boy.
I love you more and more and more everyday.
i love you more ~moma~

Resting in God's sweet peace and there is no more struggle, safe in Jesus's arms. Now perfect and whole, you are complete, Amen.
I love you more ~moma~

From one moma to another...she knows!

Hello Tina --

Yes, you have an awfully heavy burden right now. Especially with all your anniversaries and holidays. That first year is the hardest, but that doesn't mean that the pain ever goes away. I'm sure you know that already, though. Do you feel any sense of your grief easing yet? I remember when I started to feel not so sad all the time, and then I felt guilty about not grieving so much. Even now I take a certain amount of comfort in my grief. I wouldn't want to ever have it not hurt, at least a little.

My mother said that when my baby died she felt a double pain. One for the loss of the grandchild, but even more so because she saw how deeply it hurt her child to lose a child. You feel the depth of both of those sorrows PLUS losing Nick.

My faith tells me you will see Nick again and it will be a happy reunion. And I don't know Nick at all, but I can see how much you love him and know that he must feel the same way for you. I'm sure he would want you to be happy again and to know that he is at peace. Your loss is compounded because he died by his own hand, but I just know that he's not suffering anymore and that his soul is calm and peaceful. If he could reach out and hug you, he would. And he would say "Mom, it's okay. I love you." Even so, I know it's hard — especially for a mother. God gives us these very deep and strong feelings for our children and when one of them is torn from us it makes the ache hurt all that much more. I can see from you already that you're a strong woman and full of faith, but I know that what you're feeling is deep and real. It's just a long road and there's no shortcuts on it. My heart goes out to you.

Much love, Shelly

Nicholas James Devine

Thank you baby for coming to see moma in my dreams last night!!!

Oh my goodness...you were soooooo "HAPPY", praise GOD. I could see PEACE in your eyes, I FELT it coming from your body, and you are whole, healthy and complete:) My heart rejoices today for the very FIRST time since your sunset day. I feel more at peace in MY heart and soul today about your leaving this world than ever before. Even though I always believed and will always believe you are with Jesus and I will see you again, your visit last night at dulled the pain that you felt when you lived on earth...for whatever reasons you were angry sad or mad...you aren't anymore!!! Thank you Jesus for giving me the dream and the peace "your" peace, that supersedes and surpasses all understanding! I needed to see your face so badly, and now I have. I also knew you weren't going to stay with me in my dream, that you came to me to "SHOW" me, so I could "SEE" and "FEEL" that you" ARE" in and at peace!!!!

Nonetheless, I am still sad you aren't here with me, the peace I received will always be with me now. So when I get down I can always Thank GOD for that "Dream Visit" and the PEACE I saw in your eyes on your face, and felt coming from you. It was a gift, a beautiful Christmas gift from father God. I will try to focus on your love too...the love that you got and gave while here with moma, instead of the pain and hurt you once knew. No more struggles, no more pain, no more tears, no more anger, no more hurt, no more broken heart and soul. Now, you know pure joy, pure love, perfect love, and your heart is whole, like never before sweet son. Thank you Jesus, thank you.
My dream...Nick In my dream, It was like I was waiting for you to come and see me. I will try to explain even though you already know. I was standing there waiting for you to come around the corner. I can compare the wait to that when you haven't seen someone you love in a very long time and you are in an airport...and your waiting for that person to come out of the boarding dock!!! I was waiting there in this place I don't know where I was, but I knew I was about to see you, then you turned the corner and there you were. Your face was happy, healthy, soft, loving. You had the biggest smile for moma, so loving and pleasant, and pure. Your eyes fixed on mine and you just kept smiling and looking at me. You knew I was waiting for you too, and you couldn't wait to see me:)
I know there are people out there that have said or will say it was selfish of you to do what you did, but they didn't know you, and they certainly didn't walk in your shoes. So for those who JUDGE just know this, Suicide, killing ones self is not the "easy way out", "painless", "selfish" or even "courageous"!!! The mind is sick and doesn't feel good, or think right, and it doesn't want to hurt anymore from not feeling good. Just as the body doesn't feel good or act right when it is sick, and we don't want to hurt anymore, and people die. Do we dare judge them in their sickness or for their sickness or think, oh how selfish of that person?!!! Weather they want to die because they don't feel good, kill themselves, or eventually succumb to some sort of illness we all want the same thing, to be out of pain. No, we wouldn't treat most people that way. We would have empathy, sympathy, and love for the "SURVIVORS", the family, friends and loved ones, for the one who actually goes on to be with God, For those of you who will read this and have judged, thought or spoken of my Nicholas or anyone else for that matter who has taken their life...it is not your place to judge, you are not God, you have NO RIGHT, and you are ignorant!!! What we as survivors need is love hope and prayer. No matter the age, race, or gender of the person who takes their life, it is not that they were selfish and didn't want to live...It IS they only wanted to pain, the hurt, the anguish to STOP. May God bless you who have judged, gossiped or talked ill fated of those who took their lives and said that person had no appreciation for LIFE or the VALUE of LIFE, because you really don't have a clue. That is not the case, the truth or the thinking that does on in their minds when that became what they thought to be the only way to stop hurting. Nicholas no longer lives a miserable existence, praise the Lord. There is plenty of misery to go around the world...that's for sure, and I'm glad Nick no longer has to or ever will feel miserable again...ever!!!
Nicholas, you my BEAUTIFUL SON had more compassion at your tender age of 25 than I now know most people (full grown adults in their 40's, 50's, 60's ). What the people in the world need is "THE SAVIOR" JESUS CHRIST, not a gazillion ignorant, controlling self- appointed little gods trying to dictate and manipulate others. May they "those who judge, those who think they have the right or power to condemn others, the little gods, the self-centered, NEVER know my pain" or nick's for that matter,(the pain of losing a child), especially to suicide or an innocent baby. I will pray for you who HAVE or ever WILL judge Nicholas for his fatal action on that "unimaginable painful" early morning of Oct 23rd, 2008. Bless your soul baby:( !!!
I don't have to say R.I.P. for I will always know and believe YOU ARE "IN" PEACE, YOU ARE "AT" PEACE, YOU "ARE" PEACE!!!
For you are for all Eternity...forever peaceful, Amen.
I miss you so very much though... because I loved you so very much, and you were my son, and you were my life, my heart my everything for 25 years. I will always miss you and wish you were still here with moma, Lloyd , Greg and Journey, because you were a lovely human being and the most beautiful son to me. I love you....always
I love you more ~moma~

Good Night Nick, Nick

"You were so full of life,
Always smiling and carefree,
Life loved you being a part of it,
And I loved you being a part of me.
You could make anyone laugh,
If they were having a bad day,
No matter how sad I was,
You could take the hurt away.
Nothing could every stop you,
Or even make you fall,
You were ready to take on the world,
Ready to do it all.
But God decided he needed you,
So from this world you left,
But you took a piece of all of us,
Our hearts are what you kept.
Your seat is now empty,
And it's hard not to see your face,
But please always know this,
No one will ever take your place.
You left without a warning,
Not even saying good-bye,
And I can't seem to stop,
Asking the question why?
Nothing will ever be the same,
The halls are empty without your laughter,
But I know you're in Heaven,
Watching over us and looking after.
I didn't see this coming,
It hit me by surprise,
And when you left this world,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through,
And I know everyday for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you."

Good Night Nick, Nick

Zoe's 6th B-Day party at Red Robin's..it was a great party and lots of love and fun. Rowan, Journey, Moma and Zoe Bug 12-18-09. We missed you son

I love you sweet son, I love you more ~moma~