June 20, 2009
Good Sat. morning Nick,
Hi sweet son of mine, I miss you!!!
Today I am cleaning house, relaxing a bit and Greg has company. Him and Trisha are putting together a poster board of all their pictures of friends from the last day of school. Now, Journ and Greg are both at R.H.S. Unbelievable!!!
Lloyd, greg and Lars are trying to put a stereo system in the Diamonte. We are trying to use your Amp!!! I think it the amp is not working, but we are soon to find out. Greg has all but taken over my car at this point. That's all cool, cuz now I will just have to get your Fire Bird going.
Journey had her sleep over with cheer last night and is still sleeping.
As for me...Well, I'm doing better son. But I have to say, just looking back from the day I heard you were gone son, that was the DARKEST MOMENT in my life. I never knew that some of my darkest hours were yet to come, once the reality of everything settles in. Right when I think I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel Nick, I get a dose of reality and it throws me for a loop, and I spiral out of control with my thoughts once again. In those moments, I feel like I wont recover, and I ache to hold you, see you, love you again... I miss you so very much son, I miss you Nick, I miss you!!!
I know I will never get over you dieing, jsut writing that upsets me to no end. Never, never. I love you Nicholas, I love you so much son, all I can say is I love you and miss you.
I read your poems to Shelby again yesterday, and each time I read them I hear something knew. You said things to Shelby that I have said to you your whole life, like..."I love you to the end of the world and there is no end" and "No matter what I will always love you" and this one..."I love you way up to the sky and back again". I know you knew my love for you and you got it!!! It brings me great comfort today to know that.
I love you Nick, I will write you later. I love you more ~moma~
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
I miss you
June 19, 2009
Hi Son,
I miss you babe. I love you.
Today Lars is helping Greg install his stereo system. He loves that dang car and it is practically his now. I guess we need to roll out your Trams Am and get her going or I wont have a car to drive.
I love you babe, I miss you terribly Nick!!!
I can hardly wait to go to Cali. I could really use a vacation, go to the Beach, visit Joyce, Sis, and a few other friends. I would love to see Curtis and his new baby. There is a ton of stuff to do in Sac too. I will drive to Concord to visit family too. I have to pick up the police report too Ugh!!!! Damn things just arent right babe. Will things ever seem right again? I don't know.
Well, Journey said to say she loves and misses her brother Nick. I think she misses you calling her Harry.
I love love you babe. I will write you later son. P.S. I love you "Moma" 8 years today and miss you terribly too!!!! I love you more ~moma~
Hi Son,
I miss you babe. I love you.
Today Lars is helping Greg install his stereo system. He loves that dang car and it is practically his now. I guess we need to roll out your Trams Am and get her going or I wont have a car to drive.
I love you babe, I miss you terribly Nick!!!
I can hardly wait to go to Cali. I could really use a vacation, go to the Beach, visit Joyce, Sis, and a few other friends. I would love to see Curtis and his new baby. There is a ton of stuff to do in Sac too. I will drive to Concord to visit family too. I have to pick up the police report too Ugh!!!! Damn things just arent right babe. Will things ever seem right again? I don't know.
Well, Journey said to say she loves and misses her brother Nick. I think she misses you calling her Harry.
I love love you babe. I will write you later son. P.S. I love you "Moma" 8 years today and miss you terribly too!!!! I love you more ~moma~
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sweet Dreams
I love you my Nicholas James.
I miss you my son, I miss you!!! Saying goodnight son, I miss you and I love you so much, I love you more and more and more ~moma~
I miss you my son, I miss you!!! Saying goodnight son, I miss you and I love you so much, I love you more and more and more ~moma~
Nicholas, Nicholas
Nicholas, Nicholas,
Hi Honey, I miss you.
I just simply miss you son. I hate that your gone, I hate that you aren't smiling, laughing, loving, sharing with us, we miss you so much son!!!
Just cleaning house, and preparing for the weekend.
Did I tell you lloyd got a race car? Well he did, he picked it up last night and him and Greg stripped it clean. I have no idea when he plans to race. By the time Greg is 18 he will have had plenty of practice.I remember when lloyd let you take the track for a few laps son. Gosh, we really did have some great great times and fun together.I love you my Angel Boy. I will write you later son. I miss you terribly. I love you more ~moma~
Hi Honey, I miss you.
I just simply miss you son. I hate that your gone, I hate that you aren't smiling, laughing, loving, sharing with us, we miss you so much son!!!
Just cleaning house, and preparing for the weekend.
Did I tell you lloyd got a race car? Well he did, he picked it up last night and him and Greg stripped it clean. I have no idea when he plans to race. By the time Greg is 18 he will have had plenty of practice.I remember when lloyd let you take the track for a few laps son. Gosh, we really did have some great great times and fun together.I love you my Angel Boy. I will write you later son. I miss you terribly. I love you more ~moma~
I miss you son
June 17, 2009
I miss my Nicholas...I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you so much. I miss my "Nick" damn it!!! ~moma~
I miss my Nicholas...I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you so much. I miss my "Nick" damn it!!! ~moma~
I love you Nick
June 17, 2009
Hi sweet boy....I love you baby. I love you so much. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you more...............moma~
Hi sweet boy....I love you baby. I love you so much. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you more...............moma~
Hi "Son"shine boy of mine
June 16, 2009
I love you babe, I miss you.
I think I'm gonna pack up the picnic basket you bought for me for Mother's Day last year and take the kids to the park, where we can play in the water and sand. Just need to get away from the house, the phone, and everything. I just want to relax today and not have to work on anything or think about anything just be...and the picnic basket is so very cute, I love it Nick, I will keep it forever honey it is one of myall time favorite gifts from you. But nothing, absolutely nothing tops the Christmas Box from my boy, who wrote a love note to your moma.
B should be coming this way soon, I pray things work out for him here. I love him so much and want for him to do well. All we can do is offer our love and a new start here.
Gonna shower now son and get going. I will write you later son. I love you more ~moma~
I love you babe, I miss you.
I think I'm gonna pack up the picnic basket you bought for me for Mother's Day last year and take the kids to the park, where we can play in the water and sand. Just need to get away from the house, the phone, and everything. I just want to relax today and not have to work on anything or think about anything just be...and the picnic basket is so very cute, I love it Nick, I will keep it forever honey it is one of myall time favorite gifts from you. But nothing, absolutely nothing tops the Christmas Box from my boy, who wrote a love note to your moma.
B should be coming this way soon, I pray things work out for him here. I love him so much and want for him to do well. All we can do is offer our love and a new start here.
Gonna shower now son and get going. I will write you later son. I love you more ~moma~
Good morning my sweet Nick
June 15, 2009
You were heavy on my heart the last few days Nick, and when I get like that I close up cuz I don't let G&J to see me that way much anymore. Days like that I feel like I could cry a river as long as the mississippi and as wide as the grand canyon. So, I throw myself into something, anything to not think about your absence. It is a temporary diversion from my mental status,longing for your love. I am asked a lot by Lloyd, what are you thinking when he finds me staring off somewhere...I just shake my head when he asks now, I don't tell him what I'm thinking when I am thinking of you or that night or any of the aweful things and feelings the following few months afterward. I just don't think anyone gets it, me or how this has affected me personally, and our immediate family here. Nicholas we miss you so much honey, sometimes I still tell myself or imagine to believe you are just away for a while. I am crazy without you son, just another crazy moma trying to get along in life without you. Today I am gonna take flowers over to the Garden, I haven't been all week. She could probably use some fresh flowers. Your stone should be in soon Nick, I am kinda nervous about it, but I know it will be ok, and it will get here when it needs to. I am planning to go to Ca. but hope the stone gets here after that so I don't have to worry about it while I'm gone.The kids are cleaning their rooms real good. They are enjoying sleeping in. That's all apart of summer isn't it?!Well, I'm gonna finish up the laundry I started and get busy with the rest of my closet. I will write you soon Nick. Oh yea, real quick. I had a youger girl ask me about my portrait on my back, I showed it to her and she said, "wow, he's very good looking" and I said yes honey he is!!! I miss you so much my handsome boy. I love you baby, I love you more ~moma~
You were heavy on my heart the last few days Nick, and when I get like that I close up cuz I don't let G&J to see me that way much anymore. Days like that I feel like I could cry a river as long as the mississippi and as wide as the grand canyon. So, I throw myself into something, anything to not think about your absence. It is a temporary diversion from my mental status,longing for your love. I am asked a lot by Lloyd, what are you thinking when he finds me staring off somewhere...I just shake my head when he asks now, I don't tell him what I'm thinking when I am thinking of you or that night or any of the aweful things and feelings the following few months afterward. I just don't think anyone gets it, me or how this has affected me personally, and our immediate family here. Nicholas we miss you so much honey, sometimes I still tell myself or imagine to believe you are just away for a while. I am crazy without you son, just another crazy moma trying to get along in life without you. Today I am gonna take flowers over to the Garden, I haven't been all week. She could probably use some fresh flowers. Your stone should be in soon Nick, I am kinda nervous about it, but I know it will be ok, and it will get here when it needs to. I am planning to go to Ca. but hope the stone gets here after that so I don't have to worry about it while I'm gone.The kids are cleaning their rooms real good. They are enjoying sleeping in. That's all apart of summer isn't it?!Well, I'm gonna finish up the laundry I started and get busy with the rest of my closet. I will write you soon Nick. Oh yea, real quick. I had a youger girl ask me about my portrait on my back, I showed it to her and she said, "wow, he's very good looking" and I said yes honey he is!!! I miss you so much my handsome boy. I love you baby, I love you more ~moma~
I love you Nick
Sunday, June 14, 2009.
Hi my Nick,
So, your sis is a lil under the weather, not bad. Bad enough she couldn't help sweep the kitchen floor, but Good enough to ask daddy to take her on a Repsol Ride!!! Oh my goodness, that sister of yours is something else Nick, she resembles you an aweful lot when it comes to her Big heart!!! I'm telling ya, I should know, I do know, she is A LOT like you in personality. She has some of them Nick, those distinctive qualities. She misses you like crazy. She has a friend named Payton, who's 18 yr old brother died 3weeks ago. Well they have been sharing, texting and talking a lot since they saw each other at his funeral. It will be good for both of them. Afterall, she is 14 now, and you share with your friends a lot at this age, but for those two, they share something very rare, the loss of an older brother. I'm so sad they share it but so glad they share it too. It's a catch 22. More and more I see a bit of you in her, and Greg and myself. We miss you so much Nick, unbelievingly so. I love you more NICHOLAS JAMES!!! ~moma~
Hi my Nick,
So, your sis is a lil under the weather, not bad. Bad enough she couldn't help sweep the kitchen floor, but Good enough to ask daddy to take her on a Repsol Ride!!! Oh my goodness, that sister of yours is something else Nick, she resembles you an aweful lot when it comes to her Big heart!!! I'm telling ya, I should know, I do know, she is A LOT like you in personality. She has some of them Nick, those distinctive qualities. She misses you like crazy. She has a friend named Payton, who's 18 yr old brother died 3weeks ago. Well they have been sharing, texting and talking a lot since they saw each other at his funeral. It will be good for both of them. Afterall, she is 14 now, and you share with your friends a lot at this age, but for those two, they share something very rare, the loss of an older brother. I'm so sad they share it but so glad they share it too. It's a catch 22. More and more I see a bit of you in her, and Greg and myself. We miss you so much Nick, unbelievingly so. I love you more NICHOLAS JAMES!!! ~moma~
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Hi my Nick,
So, your sis is a lil under the weather, not bad. Bad enough she couldn't help sweep the kitchen floor, but Good enough to ask daddy to take her on a Repsol Ride!!! Oh my goodness, that sister of yours is something else Nick, she resembles you an aweful lot when it comes to her Big heart!!! I'm telling ya, I should know, I do know, she is A LOT like you in personality. She has some of them Nick, those distinctive qualities. Afterall, she is 14 now. More and more I see a bit of you in her, and Greg and myself. We miss you so much Nick, unbelievingly so. I love you more NICHOLAS JAMES!!! ~moma~
So, your sis is a lil under the weather, not bad. Bad enough she couldn't help sweep the kitchen floor, but Good enough to ask daddy to take her on a Repsol Ride!!! Oh my goodness, that sister of yours is something else Nick, she resembles you an aweful lot when it comes to her Big heart!!! I'm telling ya, I should know, I do know, she is A LOT like you in personality. She has some of them Nick, those distinctive qualities. Afterall, she is 14 now. More and more I see a bit of you in her, and Greg and myself. We miss you so much Nick, unbelievingly so. I love you more NICHOLAS JAMES!!! ~moma~
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