***Happy Birthday Son***

Nicholas,
Today is your 29th Birthday and it has been so hard....I want to hug you for your birthday:(( God, how I wish I could. I miss you ENDLESSLY...always and you are always on my mind and always in my heart. I have struggled since the day you died. I have been such a broken person, woman, moma, friend...just so broken. All I know is I am still here even though I still struggle, God still has me here. I am so sick of hearing things like if god brought you to it he will get you through it and, god never gives you anything you cant handle, and how about this one...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, whoever say's that never lost their child.
I miss you, love you and share who you were Nick to people on a daily basis, I miss you so much son. I hate that you died. I always say I hate no one and nothing!!! But I do hate that you died. I still cry at night for you, I still hurt, and my heart has a hole in it from where your alive beautiful love lived. You are still with me Nick, in memory and sometimes I know you are talking to me, but I miss your smile, your love, your hugs your humor you you you...I miss you. I hate writing this note. I am sad. I couldn't go to sleep last night, cuz I didn't want to wake up knowing YOU WOULDN"T BE HERE FOR ANOTHER BIRTHDAY. I cry everytime I have to write here. I cry all the way through it. I love you my son, even in death I love you. I miss you more than anyone or anything I ever could. I will see you in paradise one day son...forever. I love you more son. Happy birthday in heaven Nick Nick. Happy birthday. Thank you for being my son. I love you mostest moma~

*Who You'd Be Today"*



Sunny days seem to hurt the most.

I wear the pain like a heavy coat.

I feel you everywhere I go.

I see your smile, I see your face,

I hear you laughin' in the rain.

I still can't believe you're gone.



It ain't fair: you died too young,

Like the story that had just begun,

But death tore the pages all away.

God knows how I miss you,

All the hell that I've been through,

Just knowin' no-one could take your place.

An' sometimes I wonder,

Who'd you be today?



Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?

Settle down with a family,

I wonder what would you name your babies?

Some days the sky's so blue,

I feel like I can talk to you,

An' I know it might sound crazy.



It ain't fair: you died too young,

Like the story that had just begun,

But death tore the pages all away.

God knows how I miss you,

All the hell that I've been through,

Just knowin' no-one could take your place.

An' sometimes I wonder,

Who you'd be today?



Today, today, today.

Today, today, today.



*[Instrumental Break]*



Sunny days seem to hurt the most.

I wear the pain like a heavy coat.

The only thing that gives me hope,

Is I know I'll see you again some day.



Some day, some day, some day.

Song By: Kenny Chesney

I remember my son listening to this song and many others by Linkinpark and


3-Doors down....I listen to them today and it hurts so bad to know this is what

he thought, how he felt, what he was relating to and what was going on in his

head...



Crawling in my skin

These wounds, they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real



There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming, confusing

This lack of self control I fear is never ending

Controlling



I can't seem

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure

to take)



I felt this way before

So insecure



[Chorus]



Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me

Distracting, reacting

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It's haunting how I can't seem...



To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure

to take)



I felt this way before

So insecure



[Chorus] (Repeat until end)



There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming, confusing

This lack of self control I fear is never ending

Controlling (Whispered during chorus)

I MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, Nick.

___(♥₡₡₡₡♥_______♥₡₡₡₡♥)


_(♥₡₡₡____₡♥___♥₡____₡₡₡♥)

(♥₡₡₡_______₡♥₡_______₡₡₡♥)

(♥₡₡₡________I________₡₡₡♥)

_(♥₡₡₡_____Love______₡₡₡♥)

____(♥₡₡₡___You___₡₡₡♥)

______(♥₡₡₡_____₡₡₡♥)

_________(♥₡₡__₡₡♥)

___________(♥₡₡♥)

____________(♥♥)

I LOVE YOU MORE, MOMA~

｡I MISS YOU AS I AWAKEN ~ TO START A BRAND NEW DAY ~ I MISS YOU AS


THE SUN GOES DOWN ~ AND QUIETLY SLIPS AWAY ~ AND AS THE EVENING SHADOWS FALL ~ MY THOUGHTS

ARE ALL OF YOU ~ FOR YOUR WITH ME EVERY MOMENT ~ AND IN EVERYTHING I DO ｡

Your amazing Brother & Sister. We love you and miss you so much Nicholas, hugs moma~

NICHOLAS


If I could have a lifetime wish

a dream that would come true

I'd pray to God with all my heart

for yesterday and you.

A thousand words can't bring you back

I know because I've tried

And neither will a million tears

I know because I've cried.

You left behind my broken heart

and happy memories too

I never wanted memories...

I only wanted you.

I love you Nicholas~

HI My Beautiful Boy

Nicholas, I miss you always son...I miss you always. I am always missing you, thinking of you, loving you, longing to hug you, kiss you, talk to you...HEAR YOUR voice!!!
Son, Greg and Journey are both 17 right now, as you know Journey's birthday was last Tuesday, Greg will turn 18 on the 30th. Oh son how I wish you were here, to see them, know them, love them and for them to be loving on you, as you were a wonderful BIG Brother. We all miss you so much. We share you, your life, your humor all the time. Greg is really looking more and more like you every year. He has the narrow face like us Nick, and he is so smart. Journey still has her round porcellin face, and vibrant blue eyes like Moma...and she is so smart as well. You would be very proud of them.
I still struggle with losing you Nick, the only thing that gives me some relief is KNOWING I will see you in heaven some day forever. I know this because God says so. I cannot believe it has been almost 4 years since ShelbyPaige died and for you in Oct. I am still broken son.
I love you so so deeply and miss you everyday. I still cry and I still hurt...God is slowly healing my heart. I am sober Nick....I was killing myself drinking again. But I am ok for now.
I love you sweet boy....forever and ever.
There are no good bye's when you believe in heaven Nick, and I do.
So until next time.
Hugs, kisses and luv's
I love you more Moma~

***HI my Beautiful Son***

Nicholas,
Hi son, I miss you son....
I love you so much it hurts, I miss you so much it still hurts and I know it always will:((
Happy Heart Day son...sending my love to you and until I see you in heaven baby, I will always be sending my love to you, you are always with me in my heart.
Hugs and kisses sweet son~
I love you more moma~