***Happy Birthday Son***

Nicholas,
Today is your 29th Birthday and it has been so hard....I want to hug you for your birthday:(( God, how I wish I could. I miss you ENDLESSLY...always and you are always on my mind and always in my heart. I have struggled since the day you died. I have been such a broken person, woman, moma, friend...just so broken. All I know is I am still here even though I still struggle, God still has me here. I am so sick of hearing things like if god brought you to it he will get you through it and, god never gives you anything you cant handle, and how about this one...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, whoever say's that never lost their child.
I miss you, love you and share who you were Nick to people on a daily basis, I miss you so much son. I hate that you died. I always say I hate no one and nothing!!! But I do hate that you died. I still cry at night for you, I still hurt, and my heart has a hole in it from where your alive beautiful love lived. You are still with me Nick, in memory and sometimes I know you are talking to me, but I miss your smile, your love, your hugs your humor you you you...I miss you. I hate writing this note. I am sad. I couldn't go to sleep last night, cuz I didn't want to wake up knowing YOU WOULDN"T BE HERE FOR ANOTHER BIRTHDAY. I cry everytime I have to write here. I cry all the way through it. I love you my son, even in death I love you. I miss you more than anyone or anything I ever could. I will see you in paradise one day son...forever. I love you more son. Happy birthday in heaven Nick Nick. Happy birthday. Thank you for being my son. I love you mostest moma~