March 28, 2009
To My Beautiful,Nicholas James Devine;"SILENT CRIES"They speak of the unspeakable doors that open and shut in our hearts, when our Beloved child dies. They never mention "Doorways"!!!They speak as if they know "MY" pain. For each door they have a name.Grief, anger, saddness, hurt, suffering, lonliness, longing, desperation, isolation, depression and total loss. But they don't know the name of the unseen door, it's name is, Silent Cries, The private wimpering that goes on inside, they don't see or hear it. They don't even know it exists. How could they? My pain, my path, my walk through life of my childs death.It is all consumming and it has taken up permanant residence in my soul. All the doors are taking their toll.Waves of pain that are unceasing, pounding and breaking against my once whole heart, now broken and shattered into tiny pieces.I cry in and out in pain,I'm lost in losing "you".The grief rolls down my face,the taste of my tears are bitter and sweet. I don't wipe my eyes, as I know I will again, taste the tears of "Silent cries".Two worlds exist for me, the one of your death and the world of us who still breath, laugh, and cry, silent cries.Why? Why? Why? did you say goodbye?I wanted you to stay for awhile longer, to love you more, and together grow stronger.I loved YOU more than even my own heart knew. I still love you more.I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.I cry in and out in pain, morning to night, the storm rages on and on.Memories of your life flood the interior of my being.Your compassionate and beautiful spirit, is all I keep seeing.My heart aches in knowing, the lies in your head were decieving, and clouded the truth in your believing. Your tormented mind lied to you,and you didn't know what to do.You died, I cry, I cry, Silent Cries.For you my son,my son who has died. All my undying love for you son ~Moma~
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit" ~ Psalm 34:17&18 ~ Luv, Luv