Hi Nick Nick

Hi my handsome son....
Well son, it's true Greg is now 17 years old, if only you could be here, see him, love him, talk to him, tell him you love him, praise him for all he does right, and be his big brother!!!!!
His birthday was a blast. I bought him some really kewl things from Octopus Garden, BBQ'd burgers for him and Journ, made him 17 cup cakes and decorated them in "Bombers" colors, and "Happy Birthday Greg" has 17 letters so it was perfect I tell you...he loved it:)) I stuck $17 cash in his card and gave him $20 for gas. Got him 3 mylar balloons, a smiley face, one that say's it's all about you and a Garfield, guess which one he liked most? Yep, Garfield!!!
I am crying as I write you son.....you would be so very proud of who he is, and how beautiful his heart is, he is such a beautiful person.
I miss you a lot today son, I knew when I woke this morning I already missed you tons and that it would be a weepy day for me:(( I miss you I miss you I miss you Nicholas....god how I miss you.
Please interceed for your sissy...she is having a hard time with "things" Nick. She is such a good girl, smart and beautiful....
I also got them both a 1 year Gym membership at Gold's Gym, they built one near Target and they are building a bigger one, and it will be here by Oct. I am hoping this will help her fill good and get some exercise and sleep better. They can go together.
Moma is good Nick. As you know I was not looking but God blessed me with Mark....a beautiful human being who I have already introduced to you. We have fun together, talk about everything (you know I was missing that in my life for a long time), he listens, he cares and he is becoming my best friend. He helps me walk through and talk about the toughest things in life....like Losing you and Shelby, Drinking over it, divorce, every day issues and sobriety. I will soon have 90 days:)) I am so happy to not be drinking any more, but my goodness Nick it sure gets rough. When I wanna run and hide I talk to Mark, call Greg or Journey or a friend and spill my guts!!! Thats what I do now instead of running to a bottle that never did shit for me anyway, but keep me in my depression and turmoil. Today I look life and all its trials in the face, pray constantly and not drink. I know you would be so very proud of me son. I can honor you by not drinking and honor myself too. God is good and life is getting better with every SOBER breath. The _ _ _ holes in life will not get me down...they just make me wanna FIGHT for LIFE all the more, and we can add l_ _ _ _ to that _ _ _hole list!!!
Anyway today is April Fools Day.....I'm missing you and that's no joke!!!
I will write you later my sweet sweet boy.
Hugs, kisses and loves,
I love you more ~moma

Good Morning son

Hi my sweet son....
I miss you every day handsome boy. I love you so much and think of you always. I miss you with all myheart. When I go through a rough patch of things in life, I always think of you and wish you were here to give me a big hug and hear your words " Don't cry Moma, everything will be alright", and then " pretty Moma."
I miss your love, hugs and encouragement son. I know you are watching over me, I feel you all the time. Thank you for the penny yesterday and again just this morning:)) They bring me comfort and I know you are still sending me messages:))
Yanni called me 3 days ago and gave me a message from you:)) She said she was at work and you tapped her on the shoulder and said " I approve of Mark" and that you liked him. I know you would Nick, because he is a good person, has a good heart and has helped me through rough times, and most importantly, he has helped me with my sobriety. He has 29 years sober, encourages me to go to meetings, and introduced me to a wonderful group of people in A.A. and I now call it my "Home Group."
God Nick, sobriety is great and I am so proud of myself. It feels good to be clean and sober, I wish I had started sooner, but it all happens when it's supossed too:))
God is good Nick. I went to church again yesterday and it was a message of loving our children and teaching them of God. I know I did and continue to do that for you kids. I know you are with God now.
I am crying right now as I think about my life...tears of joy and tears of sorrow son. I can't believe Nana (my moma) will have been gone 10 years this June, Shelby 3 years and my brother Greg 16, all in June, so hard to believe, and you almost 2 1/2 years soon. My life is so diferent son, and I miss my family so much, all of you :((
I will be okay though son, I am a warrior at heart and I will more than survive, I will prosper and LIVE, and I will go on son, as I know I should.
I miss you with all that I am son. Please pray for me for tomorrow son, you know!!!
I love you more moma~
Hugs and kisses to you sweet boy~