I wish someone could explain all this to my HEART!!!
I miss you both.....
Sweet dreams babies...
I love you more ~moma~
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Nicholas
Hi son,
Today it is raining outside. It started out kind of weird, cloudy, sunny, breezy. But it has rained now for over an hour. I love the rain, I'm going to the garden! It's beautiful outside and I want to talk to you and sit with you...in the rain.
I love you more ~moma~
Today it is raining outside. It started out kind of weird, cloudy, sunny, breezy. But it has rained now for over an hour. I love the rain, I'm going to the garden! It's beautiful outside and I want to talk to you and sit with you...in the rain.
I love you more ~moma~
Friday, October 2, 2009
Hi baby
Oh how I do miss you
I found 2 penny's today son...smile.
Today my mind was quieter, though I thought of you and missed you through the day, I was not tormented with the usual thoughts of your death, Shelby's death and horrifying images. They still come and I still have them everyday, but the torment today, the burden was lighter. My heart still aches too, but the constant aching felt different some how!!!
I figured something out a couple weeks ago that I want to share with you now. I realized that since you died every time something bad or sad happened, or someone hurt my feelings or was rude or unkind to me, and the death of our loved ones, and all the hurtful things that happened to me in my life way back to when i was 5 years old...was magnified 1,000 times. All the ugly and hurtful things even the ones I have forgiven and let go of, and ones I haven't thought of for years, the ones I have healed from, would flood my mind, and I would think to myself...life is cruel and this is not "living", this feels like I'm dieing.
Now that I recognize this, I quickly remind myself that those things, words, people, events have already been dealt with and the only thing I will walk through in that moment, is my grief and pain in losing you and Shelby. I don't feel like I want to RUN as far and as fast as I can until I disappear. One more step toward healing son, I know it. I do not know how long I will grieve and ache for you and Shelby, but I do know and BELIEVE it will not be forever. I KNOW I will forever MISS you, but today I know I will not forever be TORMENTED and broken!!! This revelation can only come from God. Pro.3:5-8.
Another thing I am finding is, as I heal and move into wellness and the land of the living again, my memory is returning, and God is giving me so many sweet, sweet pictures, memories, and thoughts of you that I haven't been able to see or remember since your death, because my mind was so tortured by the grief and pain of your passing!
I still cry everyday over losing you, wanting to hug and kiss you and see you, and be with you. I pray that one day I will not cry everyday, and that LOVE. JOY and PEACE will take the place of my tears. I know I will cry even years to come over you, just as I do for my moma, and Shelby and My brother, but the tears are of missing them and the thoughts are of what could be, what could have been, not from gut wrenching mental, emotional and physical pain that feels like I'm still bleeding to death.
Nicholas my sweet son, tell God thank for the puzzle piece.
I love you my beautiful Nick.
I love you more ~moma~
I found 2 penny's today son...smile.
Today my mind was quieter, though I thought of you and missed you through the day, I was not tormented with the usual thoughts of your death, Shelby's death and horrifying images. They still come and I still have them everyday, but the torment today, the burden was lighter. My heart still aches too, but the constant aching felt different some how!!!
I figured something out a couple weeks ago that I want to share with you now. I realized that since you died every time something bad or sad happened, or someone hurt my feelings or was rude or unkind to me, and the death of our loved ones, and all the hurtful things that happened to me in my life way back to when i was 5 years old...was magnified 1,000 times. All the ugly and hurtful things even the ones I have forgiven and let go of, and ones I haven't thought of for years, the ones I have healed from, would flood my mind, and I would think to myself...life is cruel and this is not "living", this feels like I'm dieing.
Now that I recognize this, I quickly remind myself that those things, words, people, events have already been dealt with and the only thing I will walk through in that moment, is my grief and pain in losing you and Shelby. I don't feel like I want to RUN as far and as fast as I can until I disappear. One more step toward healing son, I know it. I do not know how long I will grieve and ache for you and Shelby, but I do know and BELIEVE it will not be forever. I KNOW I will forever MISS you, but today I know I will not forever be TORMENTED and broken!!! This revelation can only come from God. Pro.3:5-8.
Another thing I am finding is, as I heal and move into wellness and the land of the living again, my memory is returning, and God is giving me so many sweet, sweet pictures, memories, and thoughts of you that I haven't been able to see or remember since your death, because my mind was so tortured by the grief and pain of your passing!
I still cry everyday over losing you, wanting to hug and kiss you and see you, and be with you. I pray that one day I will not cry everyday, and that LOVE. JOY and PEACE will take the place of my tears. I know I will cry even years to come over you, just as I do for my moma, and Shelby and My brother, but the tears are of missing them and the thoughts are of what could be, what could have been, not from gut wrenching mental, emotional and physical pain that feels like I'm still bleeding to death.
Nicholas my sweet son, tell God thank for the puzzle piece.
I love you my beautiful Nick.
I love you more ~moma~
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Hello sweet boy
Oh my Nicholas James...
Where do I start tonight with sharing my day with you.
I started at 6 and saw G&J off to school, I love getting up with them in the mornings again and seeing them before they leave for school. It sets the pace for my day, jump starts my heart and reminds me of two perfect reasons why I get up everyday!
I still miss you.
I made myself a cup of "Via" it's Starbucks instant coffee packets that taste like fresh brewed, honest it is good and boy did it perk me right up...major caffeine in it, Wow!!! Good stuff..I'm pleasantly surprised. Then I began to put pictures together on the comp. downloading, uploading, making Cd's etc. I posted more then 100 pics on Face book of G&J's Homecoming. It was a great feeling to get that done, it took me a little time to figure it out but once I did, it was lickity split done!
A girlfriend of mine came over for a bit and we visited. She just found out that her daughter who just turned 18 has cancer. They are doing surgery on the 27Th to try and get it all. She is scared...that she will lose her, and knows I have been through "It". She came to see me, she cried, I listen as she spoke. I shared some words that are hard to speak. Wow, Just wow.
I took Greg to do Gr. lawn and this time I went in to visit with Grama, I haven't done that for a very long time. I stayed we talked for 3 hours about different stuff. Lloyd, Gr. and Greg went to look at yet ANOTHER car a crx, something Lloyd can run to the damn and back with, and they ended up buying it. Anyway, Grama and I got to talking about "Life", the journey, our faith, YOU, and where I am with it all. She told me a story of a christian comedian by the name of Chondra Piers, and how she had lost her Father and 2 sisters in 1 year. Chondra tells the story and says it's like a puzzle, and finding the pieces and putting it together. How God, hold the pieces from the beginning of time because He already knows how our lives should be and what they will be. Then He gives us the pieces one at a time. He starts with the edges, then fills in the picture as we go.
I swear I am so relating to that. I'm not angry with God anymore, and I wasn't too angry with HIM from the beginning as I KNOW HE didn't hurt me. I was and am still angry at the drugs!!! and other things and people (in which I am forgiving everyday to be free from that prison), and to be perfectly honest son, angry with some of the choices you made. That was so damn hard to say, but I need to heal, get well and get through this, and to do that I must be honest with myself. But we all make choices in our lives that aren't good, that end up hurting the ones we love, and that aren't always the best. You Nick were no different than any of us.
I just know that "something" happened in my heart again today....maybe God gave me another piece of puzzle. I am searching for where it fits.
Greg and I went to see you last night. I cried and cried and the tears and feeling were "FELT" different in some small way, just different!!! Greg, bless his precious heart, just sat with me by your tree, and watched and listened as I told you out loud Nick how I am trying to figure it all out. When we got in the car I asked Greg if he still cried over you, he paused for a moment and softly said no. I then asked him, do you think it is strange that I still do, and right away he said NO. Inside I swear I was dying, my guts were turning and I didn't know what I was feeling, there were so many things going on in my head right then. I told him I just want to be a good moma to him and Journey, and to be happy again. I told him I would never get over losing you but that I wanted to be well and enjoy the life we do have. I asked him if he would pray everyday for me, he said yes. We drove away and I was still crying. We got to the railroad tracks then stopped at the light there. The I asked Greg "Am I a good moma to you son"? And he nodded his head, he looked at me (he was driving) and said YES. I told him thank-you, and cried some more.
Nicholas, my sweet Nicholas. I know I love you, I know I miss you, and I know this hurts!!!
I will write you later my sweet boy, I love you so much.
I love you more ~moma~
Where do I start tonight with sharing my day with you.
I started at 6 and saw G&J off to school, I love getting up with them in the mornings again and seeing them before they leave for school. It sets the pace for my day, jump starts my heart and reminds me of two perfect reasons why I get up everyday!
I still miss you.
I made myself a cup of "Via" it's Starbucks instant coffee packets that taste like fresh brewed, honest it is good and boy did it perk me right up...major caffeine in it, Wow!!! Good stuff..I'm pleasantly surprised. Then I began to put pictures together on the comp. downloading, uploading, making Cd's etc. I posted more then 100 pics on Face book of G&J's Homecoming. It was a great feeling to get that done, it took me a little time to figure it out but once I did, it was lickity split done!
A girlfriend of mine came over for a bit and we visited. She just found out that her daughter who just turned 18 has cancer. They are doing surgery on the 27Th to try and get it all. She is scared...that she will lose her, and knows I have been through "It". She came to see me, she cried, I listen as she spoke. I shared some words that are hard to speak. Wow, Just wow.
I took Greg to do Gr. lawn and this time I went in to visit with Grama, I haven't done that for a very long time. I stayed we talked for 3 hours about different stuff. Lloyd, Gr. and Greg went to look at yet ANOTHER car a crx, something Lloyd can run to the damn and back with, and they ended up buying it. Anyway, Grama and I got to talking about "Life", the journey, our faith, YOU, and where I am with it all. She told me a story of a christian comedian by the name of Chondra Piers, and how she had lost her Father and 2 sisters in 1 year. Chondra tells the story and says it's like a puzzle, and finding the pieces and putting it together. How God, hold the pieces from the beginning of time because He already knows how our lives should be and what they will be. Then He gives us the pieces one at a time. He starts with the edges, then fills in the picture as we go.
I swear I am so relating to that. I'm not angry with God anymore, and I wasn't too angry with HIM from the beginning as I KNOW HE didn't hurt me. I was and am still angry at the drugs!!! and other things and people (in which I am forgiving everyday to be free from that prison), and to be perfectly honest son, angry with some of the choices you made. That was so damn hard to say, but I need to heal, get well and get through this, and to do that I must be honest with myself. But we all make choices in our lives that aren't good, that end up hurting the ones we love, and that aren't always the best. You Nick were no different than any of us.
I just know that "something" happened in my heart again today....maybe God gave me another piece of puzzle. I am searching for where it fits.
Greg and I went to see you last night. I cried and cried and the tears and feeling were "FELT" different in some small way, just different!!! Greg, bless his precious heart, just sat with me by your tree, and watched and listened as I told you out loud Nick how I am trying to figure it all out. When we got in the car I asked Greg if he still cried over you, he paused for a moment and softly said no. I then asked him, do you think it is strange that I still do, and right away he said NO. Inside I swear I was dying, my guts were turning and I didn't know what I was feeling, there were so many things going on in my head right then. I told him I just want to be a good moma to him and Journey, and to be happy again. I told him I would never get over losing you but that I wanted to be well and enjoy the life we do have. I asked him if he would pray everyday for me, he said yes. We drove away and I was still crying. We got to the railroad tracks then stopped at the light there. The I asked Greg "Am I a good moma to you son"? And he nodded his head, he looked at me (he was driving) and said YES. I told him thank-you, and cried some more.
Nicholas, my sweet Nicholas. I know I love you, I know I miss you, and I know this hurts!!!
I will write you later my sweet boy, I love you so much.
I love you more ~moma~
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Good morning son
Nicholas,
I love you sweet boy,
Well, son the weather is changing and it is getting cooler, the wind is picking up and we are starting to wear coats in the morning. We turned the heater on in the house yesterday and in my car, it was pretty weird as just last week it was still relatively warm!!!
I took Greg clothes shopping yesterday and he bought a 'Hoodie" exactly like one you wore all the time, same color same everything. it was awesome. He saw it tried it on and came out with a BIG smile on his face. It warmed his and my heart. He doesn't like to shop (try on clothes) in fact he hates it with a passion, he will go without just to avoid it. but I finally got him to go with me and pick out a few things. Now, Journey on the other hand...well she would shop everyday if I let her. Us girls and our shopping boy I tell you.
I had to buy some new things for myself, I lost a bunch of weight and I don't fit my pants and I swim in my shirts. Some things that wee tight actually fir just right now. Winter is coming fast and my beautiful Wilson's leather coat is way too big. I have to get a warm jacket, I have a feeling it is gonna be a cold one this year.
I miss you my Nicholas James, OH my god do I miss you.
I will write you later sweet boy. Give everyone kisses and hugs from moma, kk.
I love you more ~moma~
I love you sweet boy,
Well, son the weather is changing and it is getting cooler, the wind is picking up and we are starting to wear coats in the morning. We turned the heater on in the house yesterday and in my car, it was pretty weird as just last week it was still relatively warm!!!
I took Greg clothes shopping yesterday and he bought a 'Hoodie" exactly like one you wore all the time, same color same everything. it was awesome. He saw it tried it on and came out with a BIG smile on his face. It warmed his and my heart. He doesn't like to shop (try on clothes) in fact he hates it with a passion, he will go without just to avoid it. but I finally got him to go with me and pick out a few things. Now, Journey on the other hand...well she would shop everyday if I let her. Us girls and our shopping boy I tell you.
I had to buy some new things for myself, I lost a bunch of weight and I don't fit my pants and I swim in my shirts. Some things that wee tight actually fir just right now. Winter is coming fast and my beautiful Wilson's leather coat is way too big. I have to get a warm jacket, I have a feeling it is gonna be a cold one this year.
I miss you my Nicholas James, OH my god do I miss you.
I will write you later sweet boy. Give everyone kisses and hugs from moma, kk.
I love you more ~moma~
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Hi sweet boy
I love you baby...I miss you
I am sending along some pics. Gonna go to bed soon and wanted to say good night. But first i want to tell you another cool story, something that happened to Journey last week.
There is this new store in town called Platos Closet, they sell name brand gently used clothing and accesseries for teens. Well, needless to say it has fast become Journey's favorite store. When we were shopping last week and standing at the check out Journey noticed a book with the title "Sister of my heart". She picked it up and flipped through it and a tiny little white feather fell out of one of the pages. Well I was engaged in conversation with the cashier and didn't realize she was trying to get my attention. She was trying to show me the feather. She wanted me to grab it but I missed the opportunity but she got "the Message" loud and clear. She was smiling because she realized it was a sign from you to her, the name of the book and a feather to her. It was cool that she caught that. So we went back today and she bought the book. It's a novel, and she is gonna read it during her reading time in school. It was special to her:) It warmed her heart and mine.
By the way I have found 3 feather and 8 penny's in the past 2 weeks. They just keep coming, it is awesome. These little things are big deals to us. We love it when they happen.
I miss you so very much Nicholas James...to the ends of the earth, to Heaven and back and everything in between. I cant imagine my life without you in it...ever.
I love you angel boy. "Sweet Dreams" sweet Nick. I will write you later.
I love you more ~moma~
I am sending along some pics. Gonna go to bed soon and wanted to say good night. But first i want to tell you another cool story, something that happened to Journey last week.
There is this new store in town called Platos Closet, they sell name brand gently used clothing and accesseries for teens. Well, needless to say it has fast become Journey's favorite store. When we were shopping last week and standing at the check out Journey noticed a book with the title "Sister of my heart". She picked it up and flipped through it and a tiny little white feather fell out of one of the pages. Well I was engaged in conversation with the cashier and didn't realize she was trying to get my attention. She was trying to show me the feather. She wanted me to grab it but I missed the opportunity but she got "the Message" loud and clear. She was smiling because she realized it was a sign from you to her, the name of the book and a feather to her. It was cool that she caught that. So we went back today and she bought the book. It's a novel, and she is gonna read it during her reading time in school. It was special to her:) It warmed her heart and mine.
By the way I have found 3 feather and 8 penny's in the past 2 weeks. They just keep coming, it is awesome. These little things are big deals to us. We love it when they happen.
I miss you so very much Nicholas James...to the ends of the earth, to Heaven and back and everything in between. I cant imagine my life without you in it...ever.
I love you angel boy. "Sweet Dreams" sweet Nick. I will write you later.
I love you more ~moma~
Greg and Journey Homecoming "09"
Nicholas James,Here are your Brother and Sissy just before leaving for homecoming. Don't they look amazing. I can hardly believe they are both in H.S.
Journey is so beautiful Inside and out, she is a great student, is doing well in Cheer and has lots of friends. I will be keeping her under lock and key til she's 29, hee hee!!!
Greg is almost as tall as lloyd, has beautiful hair(the girls love it, and the boys wish they had it) and is doing great in school as well. He is a good boy. He loves cars, and drives like he has years of experience. He has many friends mostly girls :) he's lining them up for dating when he turns 16 in march.
I am so proud of them both, I know you would be too.
We all miss you beyond words!!!
I love you and miss you sweet Nick.
I love you more ~moma~
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sweet Dreams Son
Hi son,
Just wanted to send along pics of the kids from Homecoming. Journey and her friend Kaltrina, Greg and Christina, then we have the gang sitting down for dinner, and the gang out front, Durrell, Kaltrina, Nina, Greg, Journey and Christina. I love you sweet boy. I miss you so much honey. Love hugs and 3 kisses cuz one just isn't enough.
I love you more son ~moma~
Just wanted to send along pics of the kids from Homecoming. Journey and her friend Kaltrina, Greg and Christina, then we have the gang sitting down for dinner, and the gang out front, Durrell, Kaltrina, Nina, Greg, Journey and Christina. I love you sweet boy. I miss you so much honey. Love hugs and 3 kisses cuz one just isn't enough.
I love you more son ~moma~
Hello my Nick
Nicholas my sweet boy,
I love you baby, I miss you madly!!!
I come here everyday to write because I NEED to pour out my thoughts, my soul, my heart, my heart aches, my grief, my sorrows, my love for you, and my moments of joy. There's always something new to share with you, but I swear most of the time I could write whats on my heart and whats in my head regarding you, in my sleep or with my eyes closed, because it all boils down to the same thought or thoughts....I MISS YOU TERRIBLY and DESIRE to hold you so badly.
MOST days are still unbelievable and unbearable... that you are gone!!! I feel like I get electrocuted on a daily basis! It is still SHOCKING to me that you are really dead!!! Every morning I am confronted with your death as if it happened THIS very moment in time. NOTHING and I mean NO-THING or person can stop the pain. I know this is a walk I must go alone, as YOUR MOMA. I believe it is a truth that every moma who has lost a child must at some point and time acknowledge!!! A reality that is so cruel and so hurtful. I realize there are lessons and blessings to be Taught and Caught along the way, but it doesn't relieve the constant aching or harshness of my reality. No person, no pill, no thing, no drink, no potion, no magic, no deals, no way...nothing stops the pain or helps it. I only know one way...it is taking the path one fragile moment at a time. I am slowly trusting GOD, I know He is with me and He is the only answer to the horrible thoughts, memories and feelings that flood my mind at any given moment!!! Without HIM I am nothing. With HIM I will heal. But, I STILL want you back!!! It is too much for my mind to grasp for the most part.
I try to allow myself "WHATEVER" it takes to make it through another minute, hour, day,WITHOUT YOU. Weather it be denial, remembering the good times (25 years), crying from the depths of my soul, screaming out loud, memories of you, me and you, lack of food, hitting the wall, indulging in food, throwing a fit, not sleeping, not wanting to get out of bed, blasting one of your favorite tunes or just being quiet. There are so many ways that have come about to grieve my loss as a result of the pain that is forever in my soul. It will never be completely gone, but with each raw realization in trying to accept that you are not here, I believe it moves me one fragment closer to...well I'm hoping....better days and a heart that is not so wounded. The truth is Nick, part of my heart is with you, it went with you the day you died. Yes, my heart is broken, but there is a part that is missing...gone forever. It's a vacant spot that will remain vacant. Nothing or no-one can fill it in. That is what I am trying to learn to live with...the giant invisible hole. It is something that is felt not seen!!!
I miss you doesn't even begin to describe what it "feels" like to me that you have died. I still say to myself....really, is Nick really dead?! I have to say the word DEAD, because if I don't I pretend you are on a trip, or out of the country, or "away" for awhile. Denial, denial, denial!!! It helps me through when I can't seem to say DEAD. I don't want to BELIEVE it...EVER!!! It hurts my head, my heart, my feelings. It makes me hurt for Greg, and Journey in particular, and the rest of us who loved you deeply. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
At times I feel like I am an actor in a movie, and I am being told what to DO next or what to say, or where to go, I am being directed without any thought of my own. Other times I have to MAKE myself say and DO things, because they have to be said or done. Sometimes the reality of your death is so real that all I can do is "CRY OUT" with all that is in me to release the agony pressed against my shattered heart. My dreams and hopes for you are gone and no more. I can barely write it, but it's true!! Vanished!!! My heart is sick about that!!!
I think I'm done for now. I never know what is gonna come out when I begin to write you baby, but I cannot hide or pretend or hold it in...it hurts even worse...trust me I KNOW!!!
I miss you I miss you I miss you.
I love you more ~moma~
I love you baby, I miss you madly!!!
I come here everyday to write because I NEED to pour out my thoughts, my soul, my heart, my heart aches, my grief, my sorrows, my love for you, and my moments of joy. There's always something new to share with you, but I swear most of the time I could write whats on my heart and whats in my head regarding you, in my sleep or with my eyes closed, because it all boils down to the same thought or thoughts....I MISS YOU TERRIBLY and DESIRE to hold you so badly.
MOST days are still unbelievable and unbearable... that you are gone!!! I feel like I get electrocuted on a daily basis! It is still SHOCKING to me that you are really dead!!! Every morning I am confronted with your death as if it happened THIS very moment in time. NOTHING and I mean NO-THING or person can stop the pain. I know this is a walk I must go alone, as YOUR MOMA. I believe it is a truth that every moma who has lost a child must at some point and time acknowledge!!! A reality that is so cruel and so hurtful. I realize there are lessons and blessings to be Taught and Caught along the way, but it doesn't relieve the constant aching or harshness of my reality. No person, no pill, no thing, no drink, no potion, no magic, no deals, no way...nothing stops the pain or helps it. I only know one way...it is taking the path one fragile moment at a time. I am slowly trusting GOD, I know He is with me and He is the only answer to the horrible thoughts, memories and feelings that flood my mind at any given moment!!! Without HIM I am nothing. With HIM I will heal. But, I STILL want you back!!! It is too much for my mind to grasp for the most part.
I try to allow myself "WHATEVER" it takes to make it through another minute, hour, day,WITHOUT YOU. Weather it be denial, remembering the good times (25 years), crying from the depths of my soul, screaming out loud, memories of you, me and you, lack of food, hitting the wall, indulging in food, throwing a fit, not sleeping, not wanting to get out of bed, blasting one of your favorite tunes or just being quiet. There are so many ways that have come about to grieve my loss as a result of the pain that is forever in my soul. It will never be completely gone, but with each raw realization in trying to accept that you are not here, I believe it moves me one fragment closer to...well I'm hoping....better days and a heart that is not so wounded. The truth is Nick, part of my heart is with you, it went with you the day you died. Yes, my heart is broken, but there is a part that is missing...gone forever. It's a vacant spot that will remain vacant. Nothing or no-one can fill it in. That is what I am trying to learn to live with...the giant invisible hole. It is something that is felt not seen!!!
I miss you doesn't even begin to describe what it "feels" like to me that you have died. I still say to myself....really, is Nick really dead?! I have to say the word DEAD, because if I don't I pretend you are on a trip, or out of the country, or "away" for awhile. Denial, denial, denial!!! It helps me through when I can't seem to say DEAD. I don't want to BELIEVE it...EVER!!! It hurts my head, my heart, my feelings. It makes me hurt for Greg, and Journey in particular, and the rest of us who loved you deeply. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
At times I feel like I am an actor in a movie, and I am being told what to DO next or what to say, or where to go, I am being directed without any thought of my own. Other times I have to MAKE myself say and DO things, because they have to be said or done. Sometimes the reality of your death is so real that all I can do is "CRY OUT" with all that is in me to release the agony pressed against my shattered heart. My dreams and hopes for you are gone and no more. I can barely write it, but it's true!! Vanished!!! My heart is sick about that!!!
I think I'm done for now. I never know what is gonna come out when I begin to write you baby, but I cannot hide or pretend or hold it in...it hurts even worse...trust me I KNOW!!!
I miss you I miss you I miss you.
I love you more ~moma~
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Hi son
The kids had a great time last night, wish you could have been here, we all missed you so much.
I was up til 3 am and slept til 3 pm today.
The niners played but we didn't get the station..but the highlites showed they lost to Minn. by a field goal, dang it. Now they are 2 and 1 not bad. I am heading to bed soon and wanted to tell you " Sweet Dreams " I miss you Nicholas, I miss you so much.
I will write you later.
I love you more ~moma~
I was up til 3 am and slept til 3 pm today.
The niners played but we didn't get the station..but the highlites showed they lost to Minn. by a field goal, dang it. Now they are 2 and 1 not bad. I am heading to bed soon and wanted to tell you " Sweet Dreams " I miss you Nicholas, I miss you so much.
I will write you later.
I love you more ~moma~
I miss you more than anyone could ever imagine. My heart is sick over missing you, but I will get through this for all our sake. I wish I could hold you, hug you, love you!!! You will always be the love of my life sweet boy. Most days are still so unbearable.
I am sending you G&J H.C. pic. Aren't they beautiful son? We missed you so bad last night. Jessica came over about 5. I did a special dinner here for about 8 kids,candle lite and all. The table was decorated with green and gold beads for Richland Bombers colors, they loved it. Jess and I took the kids to H.C. about 7:30 then we went to see you and Shelby, we sat and talked for awhile, we had a great visit.
She misses you terribly, and like me too she can't really believe you are both gone!!!I miss you both so very much. Our hearts ache and are broken over losing you both.I miss you baby. It's gonna take a lifetime for my heart to heal....if ever.
I love you more ~moma~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
