Hi Son

I love you and miss son so very much!
Journey and I watched a movie yesterday called "Prayers for Bobby" . It was hard to watch midway through though! It was a story about a teenage boy who figured out he was attracted to boys not girls. His mother couldn't accept it though, and continued to try and have him healed. Bobby ended up taking his own life. When the Mother realized it was primarily because of all the things she had said to him, she was devastated. She then became an advocate for the organization called P-Flag. It was a true story from 1979. It was difficult to watch, I of course felt her pain of losing her son to a tragic death.
Nicholas, I miss you so much baby, I think about you ALL THE TIME!!! You were so beautiful and I wanted so much for you to see the hope in a future that could have been so beautiful for you and Jessie and all of us. I wish I could have kept you in my sights until you were well enough to see...life was worth living even without Shelby as difficult as it may have been. I know the devastation, pain, and agony of trying to go on. It isn't easy my son, but I must go on for Greg and Journey and Lloyd's sake. It is more painful than one can EVER imagine!!!
I wish you would have had the tools to see that for yourself. I miss you I miss you I miss you!!!
We all miss you Nick.
There isn't a place can I can go that someone somehow mentions your name and then preceeds to tell me a story or memory of you and them. Or they say he surely loved his moma and his family. It warms my heart and at the same time it saddens it!!!
I love you sweet boy, I love you to the ends of the world and there is no end. I will see you again my Handsome Nick, in the beautiful place we call Heaven. I know you are there and will be waiting with your arms opened wide ready to hug and hold me tight and it will be our eternal embrace. I love you madly, I love you more~moma~

Good morning son

Sherman Island, Ca 7/27/09

My sweet Nicholas,

We love and miss you so very much, Greg, Journey and Moma

I know it is afternoon but morning for me. I miss you sweet boy so very much.

First I want to tell you a little about our trip to Cali, your favorite place Nick. I know you loved it there and always wanted to go back and live there...so in a way you did! It is so beautiful there and there is so much to do and see. The mountains, trees, lakes, rivers, oceans, hills, cities, and countrysides are all so beautiful, its no wonder you loved Cali.

When we were there we saw old friends, Joyce, momo, Curtis and Adreanna to name a few. We saw family too and spent 3 wonderful days with your Aunt Kim and Uncle Mark and all the kids. I took them to Sherman Island and we had a great time. Later I talked with Andrea and she said she took Dylan out there for the first time and he loved it. It is only about 20 minutes from their home. I believe it will be the new hot spot for them. We picked berries, watched wind surfers, and kite surfers too. There was an old wreaked boat out there about 20 feet off the shore that all the kids swan out to. They had a blast son. God how I missed you on that day, all the kids were there but you. It somehow didn't seem right, I was missing you a lot that day. Part of me didn't want to go out to Discovery Bay, too many memories, too raw! Then when it was time to go back to Sac. we didn't want to leave there. It was bittersweet son, life seems to be like that a lot since you have been gone! Ugh.

Momo played the guitar for us and we loved hearing her even in her raspy old voice she still sounds beautiful. She is such a trip. She lost her Nick last year too, her Nicodemus. He was her puppy dog and he was old, but that was her baby as you are mine. I miss you son.

The kids went to Sun Splash while in Sac. It is a huge water park. They have evening sessions from 7-11 which made it nice because it wasn't too hot, no one got sun burned either:)

We drove to Clayton and placed flowers on Mt. Zion Place son. Journey sat and cried as did Mo ma the first time I visited and the last. We just held each other it was a very surreal moment in time. We went to visit Jay Joyce's brother who is a Pastor in Alamo. He also has his own construction business. Of course I thought of you when we saw the builders working on the mansion. I wish it could have been you son, you were so damn deserving of every good thing in life. You wouldn't believe how many random thoughts like that go through my head on a daily and regular basis!!!

I just miss you terribly and think about you constantly. I want you back son I swear I want you so bad!

I hope to send you a picture of me and the kids at Sherman Island. I love you so very much my beautiful son Nick. I miss you beyond description I swear.

Look how big your brother and sister are getting Nick!!!

I miss you, I miss you. I love you more ~moma~

Hi son

I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU!!!
My Beautiful Nick:
I'm having a horrible day missing you.
I still think about you, your love, your spirit, your laugh and all of you CONSTANTLY. I still miss you like crazy. I am still groaning night and day with pains of YOU not being in my life. I still want to hug and kiss you so very very much, and I still yearn for you to be in my life every moment of every day. I love you and miss you so much I can't hardly stand it. If I didn't have Greg and Journey....
I just miss you so much my BEAUTIFUL NICHOLAS.
I love you more ~moma~

Hi sweet boy

Nicholas James Devine,
I miss you son, I miss you terribly....it never ends, never!
I'm sorry I haven;t written in a while sweety I have been packing then driving then packing and driving.
We got home from Cali Sunday at midnight. Of course we stayed up til 4 am visiting Dad, and then finally got to sleep. Right when we did, Lloyd's alarm went off and he had to leave for work, he got 2 minutes of rest ugh!! You know how he is though...work work work:)
Journey and Greg are at friends and I am going to see Jamee. When I get back tonight I will write and tell you all about our journey to Cali, okay. I love you son, I love you more ~moma~