Hi Son

I love you and miss son so very much!
Journey and I watched a movie yesterday called "Prayers for Bobby" . It was hard to watch midway through though! It was a story about a teenage boy who figured out he was attracted to boys not girls. His mother couldn't accept it though, and continued to try and have him healed. Bobby ended up taking his own life. When the Mother realized it was primarily because of all the things she had said to him, she was devastated. She then became an advocate for the organization called P-Flag. It was a true story from 1979. It was difficult to watch, I of course felt her pain of losing her son to a tragic death.
Nicholas, I miss you so much baby, I think about you ALL THE TIME!!! You were so beautiful and I wanted so much for you to see the hope in a future that could have been so beautiful for you and Jessie and all of us. I wish I could have kept you in my sights until you were well enough to see...life was worth living even without Shelby as difficult as it may have been. I know the devastation, pain, and agony of trying to go on. It isn't easy my son, but I must go on for Greg and Journey and Lloyd's sake. It is more painful than one can EVER imagine!!!
I wish you would have had the tools to see that for yourself. I miss you I miss you I miss you!!!
We all miss you Nick.
There isn't a place can I can go that someone somehow mentions your name and then preceeds to tell me a story or memory of you and them. Or they say he surely loved his moma and his family. It warms my heart and at the same time it saddens it!!!
I love you sweet boy, I love you to the ends of the world and there is no end. I will see you again my Handsome Nick, in the beautiful place we call Heaven. I know you are there and will be waiting with your arms opened wide ready to hug and hold me tight and it will be our eternal embrace. I love you madly, I love you more~moma~