Nick, Nick, Nick I miss you.....

I love you Angel Boy, and I miss you so very much. Moma wanted to say "Sweet Dreams" and that I love you more and more ~Moma~

I miss you sweet son, I miss you so much

Morning Son,
I miss you so much still, I wanted to say Hi and send you kisses and my love today. I want to hug you so badly, I want to call you up and say hi Nick wanna go get some lunch or a coffee, or simply I miss you can I see you today? You were a good boy son, I love you and miss you so much. I will write you later sweetheart. Moma loves you more and more ~Moma~

Sweet Boy, I miss you!!!

Nicholas,
I am not sure I'm getting through this day so well either, sometimes I just wish I had a ticket to Paradise, somewhere anywhere, just where I could go and scream and cry as loud as I need, or to yell as loud as I need to, and just drain my mind and body of all the saddness, anger, fear, pain, grief, and LONGING that zaps my mind and body of all its got day after freaking day. Then I would like to go to a heart surgeon and have my heart put back together after being trampled on by more sorrow than any one Moma could ever imagine/ God Nick, my love for you is never-ending and forever growing, I can't touch you but I still feel you in my heart, I ache to feel you. Somwtimes I am overcome by this grief, and I feel like I can't breath, help me God, help me!!! Save me please from this what feels like a "slow death". Sometimes Nick I feel like if I got sooooooo high maybe I wouldn't come down and then I wouldn't have to KNOW my own pain of missing YOU- losing YOU, my flesh and blood, my handsome young son, my baby, my amazing boy.....Fuck !!!! I MISS YOU TERRIBLY TODAY, I fucking miss you terribly everyday, I have just learned to hide it so others can be okay. But when I am alone, or my bedroom door is shut I cry like a waterfall overflowing from the winter snow, it is ongoing and it never runs dry. Today I simply want NOTHING or NO ONE...but YOU. I miss you son, I miss you, God I miss you Nick, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, do you hear me??? I fucking miss you, I FUCKING MISS YOU NICK, I FUCKING MISS YOU, miss you, miss you, miss you, miss you, miss you. I miss you. I love you more ~MOMA~

I miss you son

Hi Nicholas,
Morning "Son" shine, morning. I miss you sweet son very much and still every moment of everyday you are on my mind, I love you Nick and I miss you like a crazy animal. Today Shelby Bear has been gone for 7 months, and soon her 1 year Birthday will be here. I was making her a baby blanket and didn't finish it before she went to Heaven, but I finished it yesterday. I will give it to her on her 1 year Birthday, as it was made for her. It is white for Purity, Red for strength, and purple for Royalty, that is how I saw her then and now. I am fighting with letting the blanket go but feel in my heart I should, maybe if someone doesn't take it I can donate it to the tri-Cities pregnancy center. We'll see what happens. I miss you babe I love you more and more and more and more, ~Moma~

Morning Angel Son,

Proud Daddy Nick, Nana, Shelby Bear

Just wanted to tell you I miss you and love you. I have been keeping myself busy with Greg and Journey, and my own appointments. It helps to keep busy with productive things to do, I have been idle for a while, it feels better to be in public, and it also helps to know things are getting done like they used to.

I started cooking a little more too, I know you would want me to enjoy the things I love doing the most, and you know Moma loves to cook awesome meals. I don't do it all the time but a few times a week now, and that is progress.

I talked to Lars, Kim, Matt, and a few other of your friends and they miss you like crazy babe, you will be sorely missed by then, they all call you their 'little brother Nick"

I will write later babe, i miss you so much son I love you more ~Moma~

Morning Angel Son,

Sweet Dreams Son, Sweet Dreams

I miss you son, I love you more and more and more and more and more, everyday, I love you more ~Moma~