Hi sweet son

Hi my Nicholas,
I love you son, I miss you!
Sometimes I feel like I could sit at this comp. all day and write you about everything I do, everywhere I go and everyone I see...and I bet I could still write you 10 page letters Nick! I miss you all the time still so much! One of your buddies got on and wrote and it touched my heart so much...cool stories from everyone. I love that.
Boo is about to come live here with us. We are all looking forward to him coming over. He can do his schooling at WSU. and stay with us til he gets some things together. I sure wish you were here son, I miss you like crazy babe.
Journey and Dad went down to the shop about 8 this morning and worked on the race car until 8 tonight. Sis helped Daddy paint the top of car white. They are going back to paint the rest in the morning. We will be at time trials by 4:30. I took them linch today and while we were there power 99.1 was giving out 4 tickets to the races, well she was caller number 9, and she won them for us, so that was cool. I was caller 5 she was caller 2 and then 9. You should of seen all 3 of us dialing and redialing as fast as we could to get those tickets...it was fun.The lady asked her to repeat her name and sis say's, "Journey" you know like the band, and the gal say's oh thats a cool name I;ve never heard that before. So, that pays for our way in:)
I bought a new swin suit today. I didn't even buy a suit last summer. It is Black with yellow trim and a little white on it. It is a tankinny and it is cute. I had to get one cuz we are going to the beach next weekend. I don't think I have ever celebrated the 4th at the beach. I will be thinking of you son, as the 4th was one of your favorites. I bet it will be beautiful though...you WILL be there with us son...you will :) I remember Uncle Greg just before he died. He said " I just want to see the 4th of July fireworks" Well, he died in June 28th and we didn't see them together, but we both saw them:)
I love you my Nick, I love you and miss you so damn much. Ugh!!!
I have to get the travel trailer cleaned up. I will write you later son. I miss you and I love you more ~moma~

Hi my Nick

Hi Babe,
I miss you so much my Nicholas...so much.
Oh my goodness, I could not get on line yesterday all day and night. Let me tell you, I was not the only one frustrated about it. I called and there was no problem from their end either so I had to wait it out. When I woke up this morning I just said a prayer and asked God to please let me tlk to you this morning and what do ya know. I went to my comp. and bam, I could miraculously connect. I have NO IDEA why it wouldn't let me on ysterday. It about drove Journey crazy though. Guess she needs to learn some patience too.
Now that we got that straightened out!
Today has been...OMG OMG OMG 8 months are you fucking kidding me. I have no idea how I have gone THAT FREAKEN LONG WITHOUT SEEING MY BOY!!!I cannot believe it. I can't!!! God why? Why am I enduring this kind of reality! Why, why must the parents who lose their Nick given up for all of us. OMG!!! You could probably give me the most rational answer possible and I would still not get it. It isn't natural I tell you. That's why you hurt so babdly son, it wasn't natural for you to lose Shelby.
Nicholas I know 2 things. 1. You taught me UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, it was you that gave me that gift. 2. You got to experience that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, in your life with Shelby. I remember telling you...wait til you have your own child, then you will know what "REAL" love is and what it means to "wear your heart on the outside of your chest". But I never, ever, thought it would be so short lived. it was not fair. Not fair at all. But I am greatful that you experienced that amazing love.
So, much about this warm weather reminds me of you. I was pregnant with you through the summer. When you got bigger we always played in the water, you loved the water. You taught yourself how to swim...right in front of mr. :) it was awesome. And I can't count the times we went to rivers, lakes, and beaches with you and you would play the whole time in water. When you grew up Nick, you still loved the water, and the sand dunes, and the snow, and the dirt. OMG you were into every sport there was. You did everything and I am not exagerating either. It's all true. I could write a book about "your love,and my love for you". I don't really care, I just want you son.I fucking hate that you died. IT PISSES ME OFF, IT MAKES ME VERY SAD, and I MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH EVERYDAY.
Man baby...I miss you so very much.
It has been 8 months today....
Believe it or not, I still sometimes think you will come home:(
I miss you so much Nick, I swear I do. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. O
I will never say good bye to you my love...never.
I will write you later my Beautiful Boy, I love you more and more and more. I miss you like a freaken freak!!! I love you Nicholas James, I love you more ~moma~

Happy 2nd Father's Day, Nicholas James

Hi sweet boy,and Happy Father's Day Son.
I wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you and today was so fucking hard! I'm not even gonna sugar coat it...at all. It is what it is! Some days are harder than others. I went to The Garden today, and I brought pixie sticks and flowers. I missed you both a lot today, kisses to ShelbyPaige. Hugs, loves, and kisses to you my lovely boy. I do wish to see you and Shelby together today with all of us...I do I cannot lie. I love you and miss you still...I love you more ~moma~