I love you Nicholas James

I miss you sweet son...I love you more ~moma~
Journey has a competition tomorrow in Spokane. I will write you when we get back, okay?! I love you baby, I will write you soon.
I love you more, forevermore ~moma~

Nicholas

Hi sweet son,
My heart is torn up today:( I thought I would do better than this, but I am a mess today thinking about what Could have been, what Should have been!!! We should be planning a big beautiful 2 year Birthday Party for ShelbyPaige. Today I am pissed-off, I am so pissed off.
I don't ask this much but today I'm asking it today, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHY???
What the hell, what the hell happened, why, why, why did this happen. Why aren't you and Shelby here with us. Damn it, what the hell was wrong with the beautiful family you and Jess built together!!! I am so pissed off, and sad today. I can hardly write this I want to RIPP THE FUCKING HINGES OFF THIS DAMN COMPUTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!
I MISS MY BABY< I MISS HIM AND I MISS MY GRAND BABY!!!!!
CAN YOU HEAR ME GOD<>

Hi Son,

I love you sweet boy,
I miss you dear son, God how I miss you, your voice, your words, your smell, your kisses, your phone calls, you I miss you all of you!!! I am sad today, started the morning off crying:(
Tomorrow is a big day. I bet you will have the bet you and God have the biggest, coolest, funnest birthday party planned for ShelbyPaige!!!
I'm sending butterfly kisses to ShelbyPaige, Big Nana hugs, and Love, Love, Love. Happy Birthday to ShelbyPaige Nyra Devine.
that's all for now honey, I'm having a hard time right now son:(
I will write you before I go to sleep honey.
My heart hurts a lot right now, missing you and ShelbyPaige....
I love you Nick, Nick
I love you more ~moma~

Hi my Nick, Nick

Your lil bro giving your lil sis a piggy-ride back from a very long weekend competition in Bellvue, it was so cute, she loved it, so did he:) ~moma~

Hi sweet boy,

I miss you babe, I miss you with all that I am. Man so many times in the past 2 weeks there have been things that I want to share with you in real life not in writing!!! I love you son, I miss you always.

I will write you later. I have been so busy with Cheer, Greg, house, Lloyd being gone always overloads my plate, but right now it is the best thing for me. Plus I have to do my reading for class.

I love you baby, I miss you Nick Nick,

i love you more ~moma~

Hi son, my beautiful Nick,

Oh my Nick, Nick!!!

Sometimes life throws us so much at once, and it isn't all bad...just overwhelming!!!

It seems I've been going again...ALL day!

It is already 9:48 and I just sat down and stopped moving and going since this morning...UGH!!!

I will write you later my son. I miss you so very much Nick!!!

I realized while sharing in group tonight that for the FIRST time in 15 months, I didn't cry for that day...that was Sat Jan 30Th 2010. WHOA!!! Major, Major, Major, VICTORY!!! By 10 pm Sat. night I realized I had not cried during the day for you, it through me for a WILD loop. Hard to explain, but then again, I don't need to you already know. I know that I had a lot of different "emotions" going on all at once. Shock, sadness, guilt, victory, blessed, hopeful, lonely, GLAD. Glad for the first time in 15 months, my grief and mourning for you didn't control or start my entire day!!! That's not to say I didn't think about you, miss you, or wish you were with us Sat, because I did!!! I also know that you and God were smiling down upon me, the moment I realized grief and sadness didn't steal my joy, the love of your life with me, every breathing waking moment from me!!! Class was good tonight.

God is healing my broken heart sweet son, and I KNOW "YOU" Nick are also GLAD for Moma! :)

One day son, one sweet day, we WILL be together again...one sweet day. I love you my Beautiful Nicholas.

I will write you later my love.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs to you son.

I love you more ~moma~

PS~today something really "freaky" and "scary" happened!!! i will share tomorrow, kk...love you sweet boy, love you:)

Hi sweet son,

Hi baby,
We just got home from Seattle, Bellvue and Bothel. We have been going since 9 am. I will write you in the morning sweet boy.
Journey's team took 2nd place out of 5 groups in her level and division.:) We are so stinkin proud of them all. I will tell you all about it tomorrow.
I miss you My Beautiful Boy...
I love you more ~moma~