Missing you.....

Hi sweet boy,
I miss you son so much.
Journey and moma took a boy Angel figurine out to you today:). We miss you terribly. "I miss you" just doesn't cut it when it comes to what I FEEL and THINK everyday about you not being here!!! I bet Heaven is glorious and absolutely amazing! But I wish you were here still ugh!!!Lloyd and Journey are outside working on the rock wall that we are putting up in the front yard. It is gonna look really pretty when we are done.
I dont know son...sometimes well a lot of times I feel like I am just going through the motions...I sometimes feel dead inside because my heart hurts so much from missing you. Sometimes I get very angry, but most of the time I am just plan SAD...Scarred, Alone and Depressed, that is what sad stands for, for me! And crying, I can't stop crying!!! I must believe someday I will not feel this way, because it is no way to live and I could not possibly do this and feel this way for the rest of my life. I'm still pissed that your dad for letting you out of his sight. I have to forgive him for that everyday. He's not the only one I have to forgive everyday either!!! It's hurts to have feelings of such contempt for these people Nick. It is how I feel though, and I hope and pray it will go away too.
I don't know why you had to leave me Nick!!! You are so beautiful son and I miss your love and kisses the most!!!I miss you so very much all the time...still.
I will write you later son.
I love you more ~moma~

Good morning Nicholas

Hi my son,
I love you babe, I miss you so much.
We are getting ready for our vacation. We are leaving Monday morning at 4 am.
Sharon and Jace are coming through town on the 18th. They are going to Seattle to see her Dad, and are wanting to stop and say hi, I hope we get to see them, we last saw them in Dec.
Greg is camping all weekend with Christina's family. Journey's cheer performance is tomorrow.
I miss you my boy, I miss you like crazy. Everything reminds me of YOU...everything!!!
I will write you later son. I'm cleaning house with Journ right now. I love you and miss you so much, words cannot describe the deep longing in my heart for YOU. I love you more ~moma~

My lovely son Nick

Hicholas, Nicholas,
Hi sweet boy, I miss you so so so much.
Well, it looks like I will start work the first week in Aug. They have allowed me to go on my vacation and when I get back I can start my training. I am looking forward to "New Beginnings" son.
I will write you later son. I miss you like crazy and love you beyond imagination. I still CAN NOT believe you are gone!!! Will I ever???I love you so much it hurts and I miss you so much it hurts.
I love you more and more and more...forever more ~moma~

Hi my sweet Nick

Hi baby, I miss you and I love you so much.
i took you with me when i went to my interview this morning, you are always in my heart but you were on my mind the whole morning while getting ready, driving to my app. and while interviewing, I constantly thought of you. You were my guardian angel all the way.
The interview went very good, it is a long process, and a very good company to work for. I have a lot to learn and catch up on for sure. I have been out of the loop of "doing hair" in a professional setting for a very long time. There is always something new to learn in this business, but I have a lot to brush up on too. I will know if I start work with then within 24 hours. If it's meant to be I will start the first week in Aug. I have to bring in 4 models to figure out where I am what I do well what i need to brush up on and what i need to perfect!
I miss you my boy. I am looking forward to coming to Cali, it will be a hard thing but also a healing time for me and the kids. We will hopefully visit lots of family, and have lots of fun while there. The last 2 times in Cali were devastating for us all. Time to make new memories, new beginnings, and let some of the old ones go. It is still so difficult for me son, one day at a time.
I will write you later son. I love, love, love you. I love you more ~moma~

NICHOLAS

I LOVE YOU MY SON...I LOVE YOU MORE ~moma~

I LOVE YOU NICHOLAS

I MISS YOU SON, I LOVE YOU MORE~moma~

"Sweet Dreams" sweet boy

Hi son,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you , I love you, I love you...I love you more Nicholas James. ~moma~

Good Morning Son

I love you sweet boy,
Every morning I wake I say out loud...I miss you Nick...I love you so much...I want you...I long for you and I want you back!!! I can't help myself. I miss you so much I can't stand it. I cannot believe you are out of my life that your not here with me son...it really is still unbelieveable!!! And every morning I wake up I say to myself...is this really real?
I miss you I miss you I miss you. I wonder what you're doing all the freaking time. I can only imagine. I want to hold you, hug you, kiss you. I miss your handsome face your vivascious personaility and your laugh. I miss everything about you...everything!!! There will NEVER be another one like you...NEVER. You were amazing Nick. I miss our friendship, I miss you. I miss hearing you call me "moma". I simply miss you and there is nothing simple about it. I will write you later my son. Kisses and love love and more love to you forever. I love you more ~moma~