Missing you.....

Hi sweet boy,
I miss you son so much.
Journey and moma took a boy Angel figurine out to you today:). We miss you terribly. "I miss you" just doesn't cut it when it comes to what I FEEL and THINK everyday about you not being here!!! I bet Heaven is glorious and absolutely amazing! But I wish you were here still ugh!!!Lloyd and Journey are outside working on the rock wall that we are putting up in the front yard. It is gonna look really pretty when we are done.
I dont know son...sometimes well a lot of times I feel like I am just going through the motions...I sometimes feel dead inside because my heart hurts so much from missing you. Sometimes I get very angry, but most of the time I am just plan SAD...Scarred, Alone and Depressed, that is what sad stands for, for me! And crying, I can't stop crying!!! I must believe someday I will not feel this way, because it is no way to live and I could not possibly do this and feel this way for the rest of my life. I'm still pissed that your dad for letting you out of his sight. I have to forgive him for that everyday. He's not the only one I have to forgive everyday either!!! It's hurts to have feelings of such contempt for these people Nick. It is how I feel though, and I hope and pray it will go away too.
I don't know why you had to leave me Nick!!! You are so beautiful son and I miss your love and kisses the most!!!I miss you so very much all the time...still.
I will write you later son.
I love you more ~moma~