Nicholas

Hi sweet son, I love you my Nick!!!
I love you more ~moma~

Good Night sweet son

Nicholas,
I love you son.
I wanted to share with you about my night.

Good morning sweet son

Hi sweet boy,
I love you.
Today is my Healthy Pantry party, I am so excited about this. We are gonna have delicious food, fun and laughter.
I am taking better care of myself, back on vitamins, getting better rest, and eating healthy again. Now I just need to implement the exercise aspect into the equation.
I know you are smiling down upon me.
I love you and miss you to no end!!!
I love you more ~moma~

Nicholas James

Hi my sweet boy,
I love you and miss you.
Moma, Joanette, Pamela and Rachel at Fleming's for dinner in Utah. 11-4-09. It was a wonderful restaurant. The ambiance and food was fantastic. The ladies Jo and I are with are Employee's of Jus, they are beautiful, smart woman, we had a good time.

My day was very busy today and happy!!! It was good to be home though:)
It takes me a couple days though to get back on track when I take business trips like that. As exciting, fun and educational as they can be, it is still tough to drive fly drive all in 2 days.
Today I got out my H.P. party invites, I really pray a lot of the gals I invited will come, because this is some delicious healthy and very easy and fast ways to prepare meals. I'm looking forward to it.
I'm up late of course...almost 2 am. Me, Greg, Journ and Gabe, brought you an apple tonight! Its harvest time, all the pumpkins, gourds, and apple are rip for the picking.
I will write you later son. I miss you so much. I just stay active with everyday things that helps to not feel sad, mad or blue. I pray a lot more often again, and I'm feeling more like a scar is forming on my heart, (not as much of a gaping wound) and that one day it may heal up enough and I wont bleed to death. Knowing all the while my heart will forever be different. The scar that is forming on my heart is a reminder, and yet the LOVE in my heart for you is stronger, stronger than any other emotion I have Nick. So, I am learning how to live with and accept your death. There's really no other way to put this. Some times I think I am either falling apart or broken, and other times think I am strong and stable, oh man Nick...this stuff is hard!!! I know it is all apart of the journey. Knowing this doesn't make is easier, it softens the pain, praise God.

Thank you for healing my heart.
All I really know for sure is "I will always love you."
I will always miss you, and anticipate the the day that you and I and all our loved ones will be reunited. My hope is in Christ and Christ alone Nick. I choose LOVE.
I love you more ~moma~

Hi sweet boy

Nicholas James,
I shared you and Shelby with everyone today.
I saw a young daddy holding his baby girl on the plane tonight and my heart hurt A LOT as I thought of you...and Shelby.
I love you sweet son, I miss you. I went to Salt Lake and now back to Boise it is late, we are staying the night here.
I needed to tell you "Hi" and that "I love you" so much. I will write you later son.
I love you more ~moma~

Good morning

Hi sweet boy,
I love you honey and miss you so much.
My heart is sad today missing you:(
I am driving to Boise in an hour, then my flight to Utah is 6am. I hate leaving Greg and Journey....I have major anxiety with that still. I miss them like crazy when I am gone, but mostly separation anxiety since you passed away. God give me safe travel mercies and peace in my heart.
I love you my angel boy, I miss you so very much. 3 kisses, loves, and hugs.
I love you more ~moma~

HI NICK

I love you sweet boy! I miss you. Gonna say good night now, talk to you later.
I love you more ~moma~

Hi Baby

Good morning sweet son,
I love you babe, I love and miss you madly!
I have to get things ready to leave tomorrow at 5, but at least I get to spend all day today and tomorrow with G&J. I don't like leaving them, and yet work is good for me and it helps to stay focused on looking ahead, and not just living in the moment, cause sometimes that can get me frazzled. Too much time on my hands now, so I'm trying to stay busy, positive and engaged.
I learned how to Indian bead last night (thanks Selena beana)it is so awesome, I love it, it is beautiful, artistic and a stress reliever. I also colored my hair last night( thanks Tab) and it looks so much better, I was feeling like a scrag-a-muffin!!
Man I have some AWESOME friends. Joyce, Carol, Selena, Jo, Nicole,Tabby, Deanne, just to name a few of the very best. I am blessed, and I love them all so very much.
I love you sweet boy and I will write you later. Just wanted to say "Good Morning" and that I love you,
I love you more ~moma~

Good morning my son
I love you babe, I miss you!
Halloween wasn't the same without you again! I didn't recall most of last year, what G&J were, where they went, with who or who took them, then Selena filled me in on things. I swear her and a few others were my brains for the first 2 weeks after you passed son, I couldn't remember a thing. The next few months were also hazy and numb, my brain just shut off, all emotions were put on hold but one- GRIEF!!! It took hold of me for a year.
I know that you would not have wanted me to be THAT way for so long Nick, but I couldn't help it, my love for you and longing for you are strong, and never ending, relentless!!! I know you wouldn't want to see me so sad for so long, I know it hurt your heart when I was hurt or sad when you were here with us. We are getting stronger son. Your death has made me a softer but stronger person, and you already know how and where. Your death did not and will not be in vain! God is redeeming it all, and restoring our hearts and lives, and renewing and creating even greater things than before in each of us. good always prevails and wins over evil, I am keeping the faith!
Greg and Journey were dressed up like gangsters last night, they went out with Tab, Trav, and Trish they had a great time together gonna send pic.
I had Tabitha help me color my hair last night, today i am putting high lights in. Tues Jo and I drive to Boise for dinner at a friends, then we fly out about 6 to Utah for an exclusive tour of a comp. and dinner with the chairman of this new comp. I am looking at. It should be a great adventure. You know me son, I never liked to fly before, but that day that you called and told me Shelby passed all fear of flying left me...forever!! God just has a way of fixing us doesn't He?!
I miss you so much son and my love for you is so very deep and will only grow stronger as I grow older. As long as I am alive , so you will be also! When I am with you, your love and memories will be present and shared by your brother and sister, forever, til one day we are all reunited.
Nick? you are "Still Here" with moma forever and forevermore!!!
I will write you later son.