NICHOLAS

I love you and miss you sweet boy, I miss you so much, I hate that you are not here with me and I STILL CANNOT believe you arent here!!!!
I wanted to tell you "Sweet Dreams" my love, and I want you to kiss Nana, ShelbyPaige, Greg, marty and Uncle "D" and my G-pa for me okay. I miss you all so very much. I miss you from the deepest parts of my soul Nick. I will long for you in my....forevermore. I will write you later baby. I love you more ~moma~

Hi my lovely boy

Hi my sweet Nick,
I miss you baby...I miss you! 3 days to go and it will be your birthday, I am a nervous wreak!!! I can't stand the anticipation, it feels like it is killing me. I still don't know what to do with out you Nick! I want to have a giant party for you, I want to float the river, I want to go to the fair, I want I want I want. I know I will cry all day long. I just dont know son.
I will write you later on. I miss you so so so so very much. I miss your handsome face Nick. I love you more ~moma~

Hi Sweet Nick

Nick,
I have missed you terrible this past week!!! It has been very very rough emotionally for me.
I am so full of anxiety thinking about your upcoming birthday!! I don't know what I am gonna do when that day comes. I feel like a basket case. I can't think of anything else except what am I gonna be feeling when I realize after I awake its your birthday and ...you aren't here. I am still gonna buy you something special as I always do. I will get you your bouquet of balloons as I always do, and one Mylar with a 26 on it. Baby I miss you so much.
When I went to Cali we went down to old Sac. I found a store down there called The Garden of Enchantment with some amazing things in it. One of the coolest thing I bought was a necklace that has a narrow glass bottle encased in pewter with a cork for a lid. Inside was green fairy dust. So I dumped out the fairy dust and gave it to Journey. I put your ashes in it and have worn it around my neck everyday since. You are always on my heart Nick and now I have you physically with me too...forever. I wish I could hear your voice again, and so when I am missing you like crazy I replay the phone message of your voice that you left on Julies phone just before you came to see her. It does bring me some comfort. I miss your sweet smile and you most beautiful Hazel eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes I have ever laid eyes on, more beautiful than your Dad's and they are beautiful too.
Journey has a cheer performance on the 25Th at the fair. We bought tickets to the fair for the derby on the 24Th. So we will celebrate you and your life at the fair with the kids. It will be so very hard, but hopefully I will make it through the day and night without losing my mind. God Nick, why did this have to happen?? I am so sad and so angry about it all still.
I love you with a great passion son. I will write you later. Oh yeah one more thing Lloyd is racing this Sat in Hermiston. There is big price money and there will be a lot of cars.
I miss you my Angel Boy, I love you more ~moma~

Gonna tell you "Sweet Dreams" my Nick

I miss you so much Nick!
I swear sometimes I feek like my mind is gonna snap and I am gonna be crazy woman!
I am so freaked out about your birthday coming up. And I don't give a shit what people think or say about anything...people just don't fucking get it!!
I fucking miss you with EVERY fucking thing that I am. I have been crying for 5 days, I am not sleeping it hurts so bad Nicholas. I miss you so badly, and I am really having a hard time. I am snapping, and feel sad a lot, I don't want to go anywhere and I have an I dont care attitude. I do care, but I am really not okay with the anxiety and deep deep sadness I have knowing you are not here to celebrate YOUR birthday with us.
I love you sweet Nick, I just miss you so much, and I go through some really low lows son.
I remember last year we all floated the river with you for your 25th because thats what YOU wanted to do, so we did and it was so fantastic.
I love you my Nick, I love you so much and I miss you more than I...............
Sweet Dreams my sweet Nick I love you more ~moma~

Oh man!

Your birthday is quickly approaching and I have anxiety, I won't lie. I'm not sleeping well again. I miss you Nick, I miss you so freaking much...shit I cannot tell you! What the hell. Ugh!! The past few days been hard, anticipating your 26th birthday coming. Nick, Nick? Love you babe.
I love you more my Nick ~moma~

Nicholas,
I still haven't dreamdt about you babe...but it's all good. I miss you so much and I love you, love you, love you!!!
I saw that Picture of Greg on my comp. in a picture program and thought it was Beautiful. I look at him and see his Dad in him, myself in him, you in him, and I even see Uncle Greg in him. He is so beautiful, like you my Nick!! Beautiful.
I will write you later. I miss you Nick:(
Sweet Dreams Nicholas James Devine. I love you my son, I love you more ~moma~

This is Greg, Nicholas!

I love you more ~moma~

Your brother Gregory Allan, Nick!

Hi baby

I LOVE YOU MORE MY SWEET NICHOLAS ~MOMA~

NICK, I LOVE YOU MORE ~moma~

Hi Son

Nicholas James, I miss you!!!
I love you son.
For the past few days we have been cleaning out Journey;s room and redecorating it too. She no longer has pink, purple and blue. She now has a "Big Girl" room. She has leopard, cheetah and zebra pattern and walls. I bought her a new bed spread that matches. She loves her new room. We are also cleaning and redecorating Greg's room. He has the oriental theme and red and black for color theme. He has it better organized and got rid of a bunch of things. He too has an awesome room. I'm just glad they are clean and uncluttered now.
Greg went fishing with his buddy Tanner and his Dad. They went up to Drano Lake. The fish were plentiful. Greg caught 3 nice size steel head. We are putting one on the BBQ right now. I wish you were here to enjoy it with us son.
I think about you all the time and you are always in my heart. I miss you so badly Nick! I will download a picture of Greg with his 1st Steel head, ok?! I luv luv u Nick.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I love you more ~moma~