Saturday, August 29, 2009
Nicholas my Handsome
Hi son,
I miss you and I love you baby! Today I pretty much had a low key day. A very much needed day!
Greg and Lloyd worked on the Audi and Journey and I buzzed around the house all day.
I made spaghetti for dinner and then we watched T.V. That's it son, and thought of you...often.
I had to go toPasco earlier today and take care of something, it wasn't easy. I stopped at a convenient store along the way. When I was coming back to the car I looked down at the ground and there was the most smashed up, worn out and dirty penny I have ever seen. It also had oil or grease on it, it was so tattered and yucky I didn't want to pick it up. But, you know what? I did. I did pick it up, because at that moment I needed you for what I was about to do, and there you were. Thank you for the penny Nick. You always know when to send one, and God always allows me to receive them every time.
I am gonna head to bed son. I miss you so much.
Good nite sweet boy and sweet dreams Nick.
I love you, I love you more~moma~
I miss you and I love you baby! Today I pretty much had a low key day. A very much needed day!
Greg and Lloyd worked on the Audi and Journey and I buzzed around the house all day.
I made spaghetti for dinner and then we watched T.V. That's it son, and thought of you...often.
I had to go toPasco earlier today and take care of something, it wasn't easy. I stopped at a convenient store along the way. When I was coming back to the car I looked down at the ground and there was the most smashed up, worn out and dirty penny I have ever seen. It also had oil or grease on it, it was so tattered and yucky I didn't want to pick it up. But, you know what? I did. I did pick it up, because at that moment I needed you for what I was about to do, and there you were. Thank you for the penny Nick. You always know when to send one, and God always allows me to receive them every time.
I am gonna head to bed son. I miss you so much.
Good nite sweet boy and sweet dreams Nick.
I love you, I love you more~moma~
Friday, August 28, 2009
Hi my sweet boy
Hi baby,
I love you Nicholas, wanted to say goodnite to you son.
I love you so much, I miss you and miss you! "Sweet Dreams" my sweet son, sweet dreams.
I love you more ~moma~
I love you Nicholas, wanted to say goodnite to you son.
I love you so much, I miss you and miss you! "Sweet Dreams" my sweet son, sweet dreams.
I love you more ~moma~
Hi Baby
Hi son,
Just stopping by to say I love you :)
I took Uncle "D" to his appt. today and things are good there. Over the years I have learned so much from him by caring for and looking after him! mental illness sucks...thats all I have to say about that!
Greg and Lloyd are working on there Audi, gettin her done. They got it for $400 and will be selling it for over 4 grand.:) They are workin it.
Journey is spending the night with a few of her cheer friends.School starts monday so this will be her last sleep over for the summer. I dont know why they call them sleepovers...they don't sleep:)
Anyway babe, I miss you and love you so so much and yes I'm gonna go on and on and on and on about it!!! and I always will!
That is what is so freaking great about this site and my blog, I CAN go on and on, and it helps and it is wonderful. I am so glad I can get on here anytime and release my thoughts, concerns, fears, worries, love, memories, and feelings. I don't know where I would be without this place to lay it ALL down.
I love you sweet Nick, and you are my love my boy my everything. I miss you terribly! Terribly. I took you over a Happy 26th Birthday balloon and a brand new shiny red Hot Wheels car. Your night lite shines bright still. When I visit your garden the wind chimes sound so pretty. I like to go there in the morning and mostly in the evening before the sun goes down. because it is calm, and the sunsets are beautiful! I always go see the swans after you and shelby. It is a beautiful garden...but then again you already know that!I will write you later my son. I miss you and love you so very much.
I love you more ~moma~
Just stopping by to say I love you :)
I took Uncle "D" to his appt. today and things are good there. Over the years I have learned so much from him by caring for and looking after him! mental illness sucks...thats all I have to say about that!
Greg and Lloyd are working on there Audi, gettin her done. They got it for $400 and will be selling it for over 4 grand.:) They are workin it.
Journey is spending the night with a few of her cheer friends.School starts monday so this will be her last sleep over for the summer. I dont know why they call them sleepovers...they don't sleep:)
Anyway babe, I miss you and love you so so much and yes I'm gonna go on and on and on and on about it!!! and I always will!
That is what is so freaking great about this site and my blog, I CAN go on and on, and it helps and it is wonderful. I am so glad I can get on here anytime and release my thoughts, concerns, fears, worries, love, memories, and feelings. I don't know where I would be without this place to lay it ALL down.
I love you sweet Nick, and you are my love my boy my everything. I miss you terribly! Terribly. I took you over a Happy 26th Birthday balloon and a brand new shiny red Hot Wheels car. Your night lite shines bright still. When I visit your garden the wind chimes sound so pretty. I like to go there in the morning and mostly in the evening before the sun goes down. because it is calm, and the sunsets are beautiful! I always go see the swans after you and shelby. It is a beautiful garden...but then again you already know that!I will write you later my son. I miss you and love you so very much.
I love you more ~moma~
Hi my Nick
Good morning "Son"shine,
I love you babe and miss you.
Just wanted to say hi and good morning before getting out the door today. I want to quit smoking son and it has been so very difficult this time. I am gonna put the patches on again, that is how I quit for 4 years before Shelby's passing away. I pray to God I can do it again!!!
I have some other personal thoughts that I will share with you in my thoughts and prayers tonite. I am trying to trick my mind into wanting to do something that I loved doing before our tragedy of losing you and Shelby started. I am having such a hard time getting back to the things I love. I know you want moma to be happy and I know you and the saints are all praying for moma to HEAL and be WELL again.
My main focus really has been on being present for the kids, lloyd, and myself. Doing whats next and whats in front of me is my constant focus. I'm gonna do it Nick! Im gonna do it for me fisrt I have to then for our family!! I want to be well I want to heal and I want to be happy and enjoy life again. I don't want to be depressed and I am sure NOBODY that has gone through this wants to be. But I do know this Healing is a choice, and for today I am choosing to heal.
Yesterday I received a package in the mail. So, I opened it and inside was a beautiful rose quartz bracelet from one of my friends in Ca. It is so pretty. Rose quartz is "healing for the heart" how appropreiate that I would that day say to myself when I woke up, I want to be well and how am I going to do this and then the rose quartz comes in the mail. Thank you Alina:)
I'm on my way to health and wellness Nick.
I love you sweet boy and I miss you always. I will write you later my sweet Nick. I love you so much, I love you more and more and more forevermore ~moma~
I love you babe and miss you.
Just wanted to say hi and good morning before getting out the door today. I want to quit smoking son and it has been so very difficult this time. I am gonna put the patches on again, that is how I quit for 4 years before Shelby's passing away. I pray to God I can do it again!!!
I have some other personal thoughts that I will share with you in my thoughts and prayers tonite. I am trying to trick my mind into wanting to do something that I loved doing before our tragedy of losing you and Shelby started. I am having such a hard time getting back to the things I love. I know you want moma to be happy and I know you and the saints are all praying for moma to HEAL and be WELL again.
My main focus really has been on being present for the kids, lloyd, and myself. Doing whats next and whats in front of me is my constant focus. I'm gonna do it Nick! Im gonna do it for me fisrt I have to then for our family!! I want to be well I want to heal and I want to be happy and enjoy life again. I don't want to be depressed and I am sure NOBODY that has gone through this wants to be. But I do know this Healing is a choice, and for today I am choosing to heal.
Yesterday I received a package in the mail. So, I opened it and inside was a beautiful rose quartz bracelet from one of my friends in Ca. It is so pretty. Rose quartz is "healing for the heart" how appropreiate that I would that day say to myself when I woke up, I want to be well and how am I going to do this and then the rose quartz comes in the mail. Thank you Alina:)
I'm on my way to health and wellness Nick.
I love you sweet boy and I miss you always. I will write you later my sweet Nick. I love you so much, I love you more and more and more forevermore ~moma~
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Hi Sweety
Moma and Journey wanted to send along a picture of her performing at the fair this year. They had a great day and did wonderful with thear routines. We are so proud of her. I love you babe, and we all miss you so much. I will write you later son.
I love you more ~moma~
Good morning Nick
Hi son, I miss you...
Today I have to take the kids to the H.S. to meet their counselors and make changes to their classes and schedules. Can you believe it, Journey and Greg both in H.S.!!! Wow, I can hardly believe it myself. Next year Greg will be driving his sis to school. :) That will be cool...no more bus, they'll be digging that for sure.
I love you so much sweet boy, I miss you with an unimaginable deepth and measure! I know God rescued your tormented soul, and for that I am Eternally greatful, but God how I miss my happy, free spirited, funny, loving awesome son Nick. I prayed son everyday all day after Shelby passed that God would heal your heart and soul and give you the tools to help you carry on with Jess and the rest of us, so that you could see that even though this tragedy had taken place, one it wasn't your fault and two that you had so much more to live for. Journey prayed for you too so much and worried so much for you, god that nearly ripped my heart out the things she would say, the fear she had for you and the hope that one day you would be okay. When you had the ultimate healing (going home to our Lord) everyone was shocked and devastated. She was completely broken at that moment. We were all crushed and broken. I have these thoughts and many like them all the time. I know over the next few years I will be able to share them or bits and pieces as my heart allows me to without losing it. I will never forget having to tell her and Greg that you had died...never. It was the worse thing I have ever had to tell anyone. Then I had to tell Jess, it was aweful all the way around.
I will share a beautiful memory of you now because I believe this is also a part of my healing.
I remember the day you found the Repsol and you called me. You told me all about it in detail and that "This" was your "Dream Bike" of all time. Lloyd and went with you to talk with the guy about it and to test drive it. You were so so very excited. When Lloyd and I agreed to help you get it, you hugged me and Lloyd so tight, and said thank you soooooomuch moma and Lloyd. The smile that was on your face was...PRICELESS. The hug you gave me felt like the most GREATFUL hug I have ever received!!! You were the happiest 22 year old I knew. And you most definitley had the coolest bike in town! I know it was a material thing, but thats alright because sometimes material things do make us happy and thats okay. They of course aren't the most important thing in life...by far, but I am glad you got to experience the fun and joy of having that bike. You were also happy about getting your jeep, that was another proud moment in your life. You were proud of yourself. but your jeep you got on your own. you were working and doing wonderful. You felt great about life and yourself.
I love you baby, and I miss all of you so very much. I will write you later sweet boy.
I love you more, forevermore ~moma~
Today I have to take the kids to the H.S. to meet their counselors and make changes to their classes and schedules. Can you believe it, Journey and Greg both in H.S.!!! Wow, I can hardly believe it myself. Next year Greg will be driving his sis to school. :) That will be cool...no more bus, they'll be digging that for sure.
I love you so much sweet boy, I miss you with an unimaginable deepth and measure! I know God rescued your tormented soul, and for that I am Eternally greatful, but God how I miss my happy, free spirited, funny, loving awesome son Nick. I prayed son everyday all day after Shelby passed that God would heal your heart and soul and give you the tools to help you carry on with Jess and the rest of us, so that you could see that even though this tragedy had taken place, one it wasn't your fault and two that you had so much more to live for. Journey prayed for you too so much and worried so much for you, god that nearly ripped my heart out the things she would say, the fear she had for you and the hope that one day you would be okay. When you had the ultimate healing (going home to our Lord) everyone was shocked and devastated. She was completely broken at that moment. We were all crushed and broken. I have these thoughts and many like them all the time. I know over the next few years I will be able to share them or bits and pieces as my heart allows me to without losing it. I will never forget having to tell her and Greg that you had died...never. It was the worse thing I have ever had to tell anyone. Then I had to tell Jess, it was aweful all the way around.
I will share a beautiful memory of you now because I believe this is also a part of my healing.
I remember the day you found the Repsol and you called me. You told me all about it in detail and that "This" was your "Dream Bike" of all time. Lloyd and went with you to talk with the guy about it and to test drive it. You were so so very excited. When Lloyd and I agreed to help you get it, you hugged me and Lloyd so tight, and said thank you soooooomuch moma and Lloyd. The smile that was on your face was...PRICELESS. The hug you gave me felt like the most GREATFUL hug I have ever received!!! You were the happiest 22 year old I knew. And you most definitley had the coolest bike in town! I know it was a material thing, but thats alright because sometimes material things do make us happy and thats okay. They of course aren't the most important thing in life...by far, but I am glad you got to experience the fun and joy of having that bike. You were also happy about getting your jeep, that was another proud moment in your life. You were proud of yourself. but your jeep you got on your own. you were working and doing wonderful. You felt great about life and yourself.
I love you baby, and I miss all of you so very much. I will write you later sweet boy.
I love you more, forevermore ~moma~
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Good morning Nick
Hi sweet son, I miss you babe!
Well, we went to the fair and we we there from 10-10 it was a very long day. Journey did great in both of her performances at the fair. Next year she will do dance for RHS. I will be glad when she is done with cheer. She does very good at it, but I want her to do high school dance and maybe get a scholarship for it.
I missed you at the fair too babe. It is always connected to your birthday. Just one more thing I will have to adjust to every year. Greg and Journey got wrist bands and rode all day. We had plenty of fair food man they are always so expensive for evevrything. We had a great time though. Uncle D went with us too. Lloyd met us there after work.
I love you so much Nick and I miss you like crazy. I wanted to hug and kiss you on your birthday soooooo bad...and everyday. I hug and kiss you now and evevryday with my heart because you are in it. I love you sweet boy.
I miss you so. I love you more ~moma~
Well, we went to the fair and we we there from 10-10 it was a very long day. Journey did great in both of her performances at the fair. Next year she will do dance for RHS. I will be glad when she is done with cheer. She does very good at it, but I want her to do high school dance and maybe get a scholarship for it.
I missed you at the fair too babe. It is always connected to your birthday. Just one more thing I will have to adjust to every year. Greg and Journey got wrist bands and rode all day. We had plenty of fair food man they are always so expensive for evevrything. We had a great time though. Uncle D went with us too. Lloyd met us there after work.
I love you so much Nick and I miss you like crazy. I wanted to hug and kiss you on your birthday soooooo bad...and everyday. I hug and kiss you now and evevryday with my heart because you are in it. I love you sweet boy.
I miss you so. I love you more ~moma~
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Good morning son
Hi sweet boy, I miss you and love you very much.
We celebrated your LIFE yesterday and shared memories, good times and laughter all in your name. I love you son.
Today Journey has two performances at the fair so we have a busy day ahead of us. I wantedt o tell you I love you. I will write you later Nick.
I love you more and forever ~moma~
We celebrated your LIFE yesterday and shared memories, good times and laughter all in your name. I love you son.
Today Journey has two performances at the fair so we have a busy day ahead of us. I wantedt o tell you I love you. I will write you later Nick.
I love you more and forever ~moma~
Nick, guess what
After all these months of trying to sell your bike, we sold it and guess when that happened? Today on your birthday. Of all the days and this is the one day it sells. Hummmm!!! I din't want to sell your bike we would of loved keeping it and riding it forever. but it is the way it should be. Thank you son. I love you more forevermore ~moma~
A cool story for you Nick
Well I wanted to be comfortable tonight going to the Derby at the fair grounds and so I wore jeans and tennis she and i looked in my closet and there was the shirt I was gonna where tonight in honor of you. That beautiful picture of you at 6 months old that we had made into an iron on. on your first trip to San Francisco, the city your moma was born in. This shirt is 25 1/2 years old and in great shape and fits me just as it did that many years ago. I love that I still have this shirt of you , it was a fun time in the city with your dad and me and you. We walked the water front and we had a great time, you were such a happy baby.
I miss the grown man Nicholas too and your humor and hugs and love for me.
I miss all of you.I love you Nicholas.
Happy Birthday son, I miss you.
I love you more forever ~moma~
I miss the grown man Nicholas too and your humor and hugs and love for me.
I miss all of you.I love you Nicholas.
Happy Birthday son, I miss you.
I love you more forever ~moma~
Monday, August 24, 2009
Happy Birthday
August 24, 2009
Hi my Sweet Nicholas,
HAPPY 26th Birthday son. You are missed by us all And loved beyond measure.I will always miss you until I see you again, as you are my son whether in Heaven or on earth. The eternal bond of Mother and Son is never broken.
26 years ago I gave birth to the most beautiful baby in the world...you:) at Mt. Diablo Hospital in Concord Ca. I was nineteen and only knew one thing for sure. And that is when you were born I KNEW for the very first time in my life what unconditional love really meant. You taught me that son from the very beginning of your life. I thank you and love you for that.
I have been reminiscing all day about your 25 beautiful years you soent here on earth, and how incredibly blessed you made my life and so many others. God's Grace and Love surround me today as He did on my birthday earlier this year. I am so greatful for His covering. I miss you on your special day the day you came into my life and the world. I will see you again my handsome Nick.
We are taking Journey to cheer practice and then going to the Rodeo and Derby tonight at the fair. I bring you with me son, because forever I have you, hold you, and feel you in my heart. Forver in my heart.I love you my sweet son, I miss you so much it is rediculous!
You are loved and missed, and you live on in our lives daily because we speak of you often and share stories and memories of your love and life. I love you with great passion and love.
Forever my angel boy in Heaven. Love hugs and 3 kisses to you my Nicky:) Happy Birthday sweet son.
I love you more and forever ~moma~
Hi my Sweet Nicholas,
HAPPY 26th Birthday son. You are missed by us all And loved beyond measure.I will always miss you until I see you again, as you are my son whether in Heaven or on earth. The eternal bond of Mother and Son is never broken.
26 years ago I gave birth to the most beautiful baby in the world...you:) at Mt. Diablo Hospital in Concord Ca. I was nineteen and only knew one thing for sure. And that is when you were born I KNEW for the very first time in my life what unconditional love really meant. You taught me that son from the very beginning of your life. I thank you and love you for that.
I have been reminiscing all day about your 25 beautiful years you soent here on earth, and how incredibly blessed you made my life and so many others. God's Grace and Love surround me today as He did on my birthday earlier this year. I am so greatful for His covering. I miss you on your special day the day you came into my life and the world. I will see you again my handsome Nick.
We are taking Journey to cheer practice and then going to the Rodeo and Derby tonight at the fair. I bring you with me son, because forever I have you, hold you, and feel you in my heart. Forver in my heart.I love you my sweet son, I miss you so much it is rediculous!
You are loved and missed, and you live on in our lives daily because we speak of you often and share stories and memories of your love and life. I love you with great passion and love.
Forever my angel boy in Heaven. Love hugs and 3 kisses to you my Nicky:) Happy Birthday sweet son.
I love you more and forever ~moma~
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Hi Brother Nick
Ayy brother! :)
I have a really funny story for you. So mom, dad, ur lil sis, and lil bro were just hangin out then
Moma says:: wheres the D-O-G?
Greg replys:: on the R-U-G.
Dad adds in:: by the D-O-O-R.
Journey adds in:: W-O-W!!
Moma says:: O-M-G!!
Journey says:: L-O-L!!!!
Then everyone starts cracking up! :)
Times like this remind me of when yo were here and silly things would happen.!
I miss you brother.
Love your little sissy Journey
I have a really funny story for you. So mom, dad, ur lil sis, and lil bro were just hangin out then
Moma says:: wheres the D-O-G?
Greg replys:: on the R-U-G.
Dad adds in:: by the D-O-O-R.
Journey adds in:: W-O-W!!
Moma says:: O-M-G!!
Journey says:: L-O-L!!!!
Then everyone starts cracking up! :)
Times like this remind me of when yo were here and silly things would happen.!
I miss you brother.
Love your little sissy Journey
Hi my Beautiful Son
Hi baby,
I miss you my boy. The past week has been extremely difficult!
The 21st was mine and Lloyd's 16th Ann. It has been hard to celebrate anything since you been gone!
Today has been 10 months since you went to Heaven!! Oh my boy, I miss you so very much. I still cannot even believe you aren't here. Never in a million years would I ever think I would bury my child...NEVER! I can't even accept you are gone, it hurts to bad. I miss you Nicholas James, I miss you terribly!!!
Tomorrow we are going to the fair to watch the Derby. Yes, on your birthday! I don't know what I am gonna do tomorrow and you aren't there son!!!
I will write later. I am a mess today, the anxiety is aweful. I will try to focus on Greg and Journey and loving them, in hopes of filling that hole and hurt in my soul. We will all miss you beyond the norm tomorrow. I love you my Nicholas, I love you more ~moma~
I miss you my boy. The past week has been extremely difficult!
The 21st was mine and Lloyd's 16th Ann. It has been hard to celebrate anything since you been gone!
Today has been 10 months since you went to Heaven!! Oh my boy, I miss you so very much. I still cannot even believe you aren't here. Never in a million years would I ever think I would bury my child...NEVER! I can't even accept you are gone, it hurts to bad. I miss you Nicholas James, I miss you terribly!!!
Tomorrow we are going to the fair to watch the Derby. Yes, on your birthday! I don't know what I am gonna do tomorrow and you aren't there son!!!
I will write later. I am a mess today, the anxiety is aweful. I will try to focus on Greg and Journey and loving them, in hopes of filling that hole and hurt in my soul. We will all miss you beyond the norm tomorrow. I love you my Nicholas, I love you more ~moma~
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