November 28, 2009
Hi my Beautiful Nicholas James,
I love you and miss you baby. I think of you ALL the day long, most of my thoughts of you are good ones, happy, loving, and warm, but I am reminded with each thought baby that YOU ARE AT PEACE!!! THAT and THAT alone that you ARE at PEACE, helps me get through everyday. But I must be honest son, I still have sad thoughts of you the pain you went through and how you hurt yourself, and that you are not here with us.
I read and write the POS posts daily. I am reminded by other grieving, crazy feeling, yearning, angry sad moma's and Dad's that HOW I feel WHAT I think and every thing I am going through with your death, is NORMAL. I'm not crazy, I just feel like it. I am and always will grieve over you. My POS support group is amazing, and if it were not for them I don't think I would be where I am with my thoughts today...I know I wouldn't!!! They UNDERSTAND me, they KNOW my hurt, they too are or have walked my path of pain and sorrow. Together we help each other, there is always someone on line either at the group or in chat, they are my second life line, God, LLoyd, Greg and Journey are my first life lines, my reasons to get out of bed, my reasons to eat and take care of myself, my reasons to get out of bed, my reason to breath, my reasons to go on, to want to live, love laugh and make it count. THEY are my reasons for living, they are my hope and my help.
i know you want me to be healthy and happy son and I am doing it for YOU too. I know you don't want me to shed tears, but I do because I miss you. But I hear your words so clear, "Don't be sad MOMA, I am happy" They keep me going Nicholas. I know you never meant to hurt me, grieve me, or cause any of us pain or sorrow, I know that son, I know you only wanted the pain to stop, and for you it has, and for me...it is easing slowly, but it is easing.
I miss your love so much Nick, Nick.
I will write you later my lovely one, my Beautiful son.
I love you more ~moma~

Here's your handsome brother Greg and your beautiful cousin Angie. They miss you so much Nick. You are so loved and missed by everyone. Greg is 15 1/2 here and almost as tall as Daddy now.
I love you more sweet boy ~moma~

Good night sweet boy

I love you more ~moma~

Here's your sis

Here's Journey Rose rocking out for her brother Nick on Thanksgiving Day "09" at Miranda's. She found a way to be with you that night son, she is one smart, healthy young woman. She is amazing. She missed you terribly, but found a way to lesson that ache. She was rockin it Nick, you would have been proud of you, I know you were. We love you baby, and miss you so much. Love Journey ( your Harry) and moma. I love you more ~moma~

Moma & Selena saying "Hi" sweet boy

Hi baby,
We spent the better half of the day and evening at Miranda''s house for Thanksgiving Day. There were so many people there and so much love, fun and food. We had a Bonn-fire going in the back yard, the pool table was set up, music was going, Journey was on the wii and then she played "Rock Band" for the first time since you and her played it til after midnight at your house. There were several computers up, kids wrestling and running in and out the door, and great conversations everywhere. We all missed you and you would have had a great time there son. I brought my favorite picture of you and one of Shelby bear and sat them at the table while we all sat around and ate and shared. You were both there with us sweet boy! I had a rough time you not being there to hug me, love me, and kiss me. I miss you still so very very much my Nick, Nick! Raymond and Greg were both there to give me extra hugs from you son, they are such sweet, sensitive, loving boys with big big hearts, they knew moma was just a missing you. Bless there hearts.
I will write you later my sweet boy. I hate doing the "Hollowdays' without you...it's just not the same and never will be. I'm trying to adjust and be grateful for who and what I have, but it conflicts with not having you baby, I guess it always will. Some day baby I will see you on the other side, and there you will be with your gorgeous hazel eyes, open arms and your big bright beautiful smile for moma. That will be a day of pure joy and glory. Until then son, I must find a way to live well and take care of myself, Lloyd and your lil brother and sister. My hurt is still so fresh and new. You are always on my mind and forever in my heart and soul son. Never ever to be forgotten, not even for a day...never! I miss you and love you so very much Nicholas James. Hugs, kisses and all my luv luv for you.
I love you more ~moma~

I love you

November 24, 2009

Hi my beautiful Nick,
I miss you terribly, especially around the "Hollow"day's.
I have just been struggling, celebrated your first birthday without you just a couple months ago, then the 13 month ann. of your death, now thanksgiving, then Christmas again.UGH!!!!
I hate this part, I hate doing this without you! It's just not right.
I love you so much sweet boy, I miss you my Nick, Nick!!!!
Sending you a picture. I will write you later, love hugs and kisses forever.
I love you more ~moma~



Tina ( Nick's Moma forever)
8-24-83 To 10-23-08
I miss you my Nick, Nick,
I love you more.
youarelovedone@yahoo.com
http://nicholasjamesdevine.blogspot.com
http://nicholas-devine.gonetoosoon.org

November 26, 2009
Nicholas James Devine,
My Precious Beautiful Nick, Nick,
Happy Thanksgiving son....I miss you:(
I am Thankful for a lot today though. First, for having you in my life for 25 beautiful precious years, and that you loved me and said I was the best moma ever. I feel your love today strongly sweet boy.
Second, that I have a wonderful husband and 2 other precious babies being your beautiful brother Gregory Allan ( your Frankie) and your beautiful sister Journey Rose( your Harry).
Kiss my Moma, my shelbyPaige,and my Brother for me. Hugs, kisses and love with all my heart my Beautiful Boy Nick. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I miss you!!!
I Love You More ~Moma~

Hi Nick nick

Hi Nichols James,
I love and miss you so much, and miss you sweet boy.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will miss you like crazy like crazy!!! It will not be the same without you. I am feeling better today sleep good for 2 days in a row now and it has helped tremdously.

I have been working at home doing things around the house, trying to get your sissy better, she is doing better though. The kids are doing good in school. I NEVER forget you my sweet Nick. You are my love, my life, my everything forever and ever. I will never ever stop missing you or loving you. Happy Thanksgiving my sweet boy. I will write you later honey.
i love you more ~moma~

I miss you son

Nick, Nick
I love you sweet baby boy, you will always be my baby boy...always. From cradle to grave I loved every bit of you and I always will. I miss you baby.
Good night sweet boy, hugs and kisses.
I love you more ~moma

I love you son

Hi sweet boy. I miss you soooooo much.
The last 9 days have been a nightmare for me. I finally got some sleep last night and I am not feeling as depressed this morning. The "Hollow" day's (Holidays) make it worse, it is rough. I don't even remember last years Thanksgiving day, I stayed home didn't go to Gr. Pielsticks. I was still in shock of losing you, and in the bubble. I am going to Selena's this year, gonna be with FRIENDS, who love me know me, and have been down this road. I'm taking Greg too, we are gonna be surrounded with love, friends, games, good food, and laughter...a much needed medicine this year.
I love you sweet son and miss you so damn much I can't stand it. I have struggled hard the past 2 weeks, but pulling out of it, some through the help of counseling, some meds, venting and my on line support group. I will write you later my son, my love my Nick, Nick forever.
Hugs and kisses baby.
I love you more ~moma~

Sweet Dreams sweet boy,

My sweet nick, I miss you babe.
Its been a very lonnnnng day, I will tell you about it tomorrow, okay. Going to bed. I miss you, I miss you terribly:(
I love you more ~moma!

Nick, Nick

I miss you sweet boy. It's been 13 months today since you flew away.
I love you more ~moma~

I MISS YOU NICHOLAS JAMES ~moma~

Nicholas, my boy

Beautiful Boy I miss you so damn much.
My heart aches and my body hurts so bad...and it won't stop. Sometimes I just want to join you.
I have been very sad, not sleeping and mad as hell the past week. You should be here Nick, you should be here.
I wanted to write and tell you I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!!!! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANY OTHER SOUL EVER COULD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will write you later. I go see my Dr. tomorrow, I hope he can help me.
I miss you my beautiful boy, I miss you.
I love you more ~moma~