***HI my Beautiful Son***

Nicholas,
Hi son, I miss you son....
I love you so much it hurts, I miss you so much it still hurts and I know it always will:((
Happy Heart Day son...sending my love to you and until I see you in heaven baby, I will always be sending my love to you, you are always with me in my heart.
Hugs and kisses sweet son~
I love you more moma~

***NICHOLAS***

SON,
I MISS YOU
I LOVE YOU MORE
MOMA~

***Hi sweet son***

Nicholas Baby,
I know I havent been here in a very long time...since Oct 26th!!! As I have said many of times, the more time that goes by the harder it gets:((
Baby I have struggled and struggled since your death....I am still so broken, I just don't know what to do son, I hurt hurt hurt.
I miss your voice Nick, I miss your beautiful smile, I miss your laugh, I miss you hugging me tight son....I miss you, I miss you.
Christmas is here AGAIN, and it is the worst one yet. I am in MO (you went there once Nick looking for work, I remember), I came up here with "Big dreams", everything turned out to be a disaster:(( I'm having a hard hard day son. I will spend the first Christmas ever without my children...Greg and Journey arent here with me:(( I am homesick and heartsick. I wish I could feel better Nick, but there just isn't anything that can help with a Mother's aching heart when it comes to her babies!
I did get a CHristmas card from Joyce and one from another grieving Moma:))
I'm sober today and plan to go to several meetings to try and not dwell, I know I will but it helps to be around others. I have learned, Isolation is NOT my friend!!!
I miss you terribly NICHOLAS....
I guess there is nothing else to say, except Merry Christmas in heaven my sweet sweet Nick and.....
I LOVE YOU MORE
~MOMA~

***Hi sweet son***

I just wanted to post a few of the messages and emails I got from friends on your Angelversary...you are loved and missed son, and not forgotten.
Journey said she wore your T-Shirt all day...missing you son, and that she didn't eat all day, that's what grief does, it makes us sick to our tummy's, bless her heart.
I love you baby and miss you so very much. There are no words:((
All my love hugs and kisses.
I love you more son, Moma~

***Remembering you NIcholas***

(((Tina)))



You are in my thoughts as you remember your precious son Nicholas on the anniversary of his passing from this life. No parent should ever have to remember such a date as this. I am so sorry for your loss, Tina. May today bring you many warm and gentle memories of Nicholas and the life you shared with him. (((Hugs)))



Mary (Moderator)

Mother of Cherie

5/8/96

***Remembering you Nicholas***

((((((((Tina))))))))




I'm still here, sending you more hugs and I'm holding you and your dear, sweet Nick close in my thoughts on his Angel Date today. As the years pass without our children the pain and our missing them doesn't lessen any on these special days do they? I'm wishing for you many treasured memories of your precious, precious son and timeless memories of your forever cherished time together. I hope as you remember many of these beautiful memories, and you hold Nick so very close in your thoughts and your heart today, peaceful moments will carry you gently through this very hard day. Take care dear Tina, today especially and always.

***Remembering you Nicholas***

Message body

  Dear Tina, You have been very quiet and I don't want to disturb. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and your boy and grand-daughter. Nick's whole situation, it's so sad and I know how hard it is for you. I hope your day is manageable. Extra loving hugs for you. I'll have a candle burning in Nick's memory. Patricia

***Remembering you Nicholas***

Message body


Tina,



I am sorry this is a day late, but I wanted you to know that I think of all of our children every single day. I hope yesterday passed peacefully for you with memories of gentler times to see you through.



Hugs,

Kelly,

***Remembering you Nicholas***

Tina, Yes our sons were so very young and gone too soon. I've just recently joined POS as I approached Brian's third angelversary. I go back and forth of whether it hurts or helps. Wishing the very best for you.





Tammy

***Remembering you Nicholas***

Dear Tina & family,



We are sending POSitive thoughts and holding you in our hearts on the Angelversary of Nicholas. May the memories you have of precious past years help to ease the pain and wipe away the tears and may the day pass as peaceful as it can. A candle is lit here in England for Nicholas and all the POS children. Take care.



(((((((((((( (((Tina & family ---- Nicholas' Mom & family)))))) )))))))))

Nicholas James

This is a sweet note to me from another moma who lost her child and UNDERSTANDS, the pain, the hurt and all the other feelings that go along with it.




(((Tina)))




You are in my thoughts as you remember your precious son Nicholas on the anniversary of his passing from this life. No parent should ever have to remember such a date as this. I am so sorry for your loss, Tina. May today bring you many warm and gentle memories of Nicholas and the life you shared with him. (((Hugs)))



Mary (Moderator)

Mother of Cherie

5/8/96

Nicholas~ Your 3 year Angelversary~

It is so unbelievable that it has been 3 whole years Nick since I have seen your handsome face, heard your unique voice, seen your contageous smile, felt your amazing hugs and love, or recieved a call from you to just say "Hello pretty Moma, I love you".
I miss you terribly NIck had a hard time, not eating, crying all day, and on top of that I quit smoking today...I must be crazy, but I am so sick of smelling like smoke, yuck!!!
Life, my life is so different now, everything and I mean everything has changed NIck, in so many ways. One thing that has never changed is my heart is still broken over losing you. But I can honestly say, loving Greg and Journey and having them has kept me here and alive. And though it has been very difficult and many drunk days inbetween, I have come through it Nick!!! I amok, not great, not perfect butgetting well in many ways.
I love you sweet son so much and I miss you so much too.
Journey said she hasn't eaten today I know you are on her precious mind.:(( We all miss you so much sweety, I will never understand why you had to die, I still have a hard time saying that.
I can't wait for the day that we will be together again for all eternity Nicholas!!!
Reunited forever.
I love you my sweet son...I love you more
~Moma~

Nicholas

Today son you were to turn 28!!! We were all supossed to sing "Happy Birthday" to you....crying, cring, crying :((  :((  :((  :(( I will never get through your birthday without having a complete break down, no matter how long you been gone.....had a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE FNGING day!!!! God I miss you so bad it's hurts, it hurts to breath, it hurts to be awake knowing you arent here, it hurts to not see you and kiss you and wish you a happy birthday today son. It hurts to not give you a special gift on your birthday, bake you your favorite  cake and sing you happy birthay :((  :((  :((  :((....It hurts to not hear your voice and hear you laughing:(( It hurts, It hurts, It hurts.
It doesn't help when others are mean to me either....what happen to COMPASSION???
Cruel, rude, and insensitive people...what's wrong with people son???? Nicw onw minute then in your face the next.
Some times life is a poece of cake and others it plan sucks!!! Today SUCKED real bad.
I have thought about you and all your birthdays...all 25 that you spent with us here on earth, and I am GREATFUL for each one...however I wanted more...many more!!!
I miss you like a crazy woman...a crazy moma bear.
 I love you I love you I love you...up to the sky and back again.
I love you more, Moma~

*** Missing you as always Nick ***

Hi my Beautiful Boy
Life is such a struggle sometimes and other times it is so wonderful!!! Still learning to live life without you here Nick:(( I still scratch my head and say to myself...your not really gone!!!
Nick I don't think you killed yourself!!! I know that's a very strong and candid statement but I honestly DO NOT believe it. It's impossible! I know you were heart broken and I know you struggled with your own demons as we all do from time to time, but I have never been settled in my heart with how you died, where you did and how they found you!!! NEVER!!!
I am gonna get to the bottom of this, I AM!!! if it's the last thing I do!!!
I love you more son and miss you everyday all the time!!! I never stop remembering you and you are always on my mind.
Come sweetly into my dreams Nick and please hug me, I miss you so:((
Forever in my heart
~moma~

Hi Handsome

Hi Nick, I love you sweet boy. Well
It's already the 10th of June and I still haven't quite smoking yet, but I just got some info on quitting smoking.
I will write a but more
Later I'm going fishing for a couple hours, wish me luck.