Hi Sweet Nick

Nick,
I have missed you terrible this past week!!! It has been very very rough emotionally for me.
I am so full of anxiety thinking about your upcoming birthday!! I don't know what I am gonna do when that day comes. I feel like a basket case. I can't think of anything else except what am I gonna be feeling when I realize after I awake its your birthday and ...you aren't here. I am still gonna buy you something special as I always do. I will get you your bouquet of balloons as I always do, and one Mylar with a 26 on it. Baby I miss you so much.
When I went to Cali we went down to old Sac. I found a store down there called The Garden of Enchantment with some amazing things in it. One of the coolest thing I bought was a necklace that has a narrow glass bottle encased in pewter with a cork for a lid. Inside was green fairy dust. So I dumped out the fairy dust and gave it to Journey. I put your ashes in it and have worn it around my neck everyday since. You are always on my heart Nick and now I have you physically with me too...forever. I wish I could hear your voice again, and so when I am missing you like crazy I replay the phone message of your voice that you left on Julies phone just before you came to see her. It does bring me some comfort. I miss your sweet smile and you most beautiful Hazel eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes I have ever laid eyes on, more beautiful than your Dad's and they are beautiful too.
Journey has a cheer performance on the 25Th at the fair. We bought tickets to the fair for the derby on the 24Th. So we will celebrate you and your life at the fair with the kids. It will be so very hard, but hopefully I will make it through the day and night without losing my mind. God Nick, why did this have to happen?? I am so sad and so angry about it all still.
I love you with a great passion son. I will write you later. Oh yeah one more thing Lloyd is racing this Sat in Hermiston. There is big price money and there will be a lot of cars.
I miss you my Angel Boy, I love you more ~moma~