Hi my Nick

Hi Babe,
I miss you so much my Nicholas...so much.
Oh my goodness, I could not get on line yesterday all day and night. Let me tell you, I was not the only one frustrated about it. I called and there was no problem from their end either so I had to wait it out. When I woke up this morning I just said a prayer and asked God to please let me tlk to you this morning and what do ya know. I went to my comp. and bam, I could miraculously connect. I have NO IDEA why it wouldn't let me on ysterday. It about drove Journey crazy though. Guess she needs to learn some patience too.
Now that we got that straightened out!
Today has been...OMG OMG OMG 8 months are you fucking kidding me. I have no idea how I have gone THAT FREAKEN LONG WITHOUT SEEING MY BOY!!!I cannot believe it. I can't!!! God why? Why am I enduring this kind of reality! Why, why must the parents who lose their Nick given up for all of us. OMG!!! You could probably give me the most rational answer possible and I would still not get it. It isn't natural I tell you. That's why you hurt so babdly son, it wasn't natural for you to lose Shelby.
Nicholas I know 2 things. 1. You taught me UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, it was you that gave me that gift. 2. You got to experience that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, in your life with Shelby. I remember telling you...wait til you have your own child, then you will know what "REAL" love is and what it means to "wear your heart on the outside of your chest". But I never, ever, thought it would be so short lived. it was not fair. Not fair at all. But I am greatful that you experienced that amazing love.
So, much about this warm weather reminds me of you. I was pregnant with you through the summer. When you got bigger we always played in the water, you loved the water. You taught yourself how to swim...right in front of mr. :) it was awesome. And I can't count the times we went to rivers, lakes, and beaches with you and you would play the whole time in water. When you grew up Nick, you still loved the water, and the sand dunes, and the snow, and the dirt. OMG you were into every sport there was. You did everything and I am not exagerating either. It's all true. I could write a book about "your love,and my love for you". I don't really care, I just want you son.I fucking hate that you died. IT PISSES ME OFF, IT MAKES ME VERY SAD, and I MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH EVERYDAY.
Man baby...I miss you so very much.
It has been 8 months today....
Believe it or not, I still sometimes think you will come home:(
I miss you so much Nick, I swear I do. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. O
I will never say good bye to you my love...never.
I will write you later my Beautiful Boy, I love you more and more and more. I miss you like a freaken freak!!! I love you Nicholas James, I love you more ~moma~