From one moma to another...she knows!

Hello Tina --

Yes, you have an awfully heavy burden right now. Especially with all your anniversaries and holidays. That first year is the hardest, but that doesn't mean that the pain ever goes away. I'm sure you know that already, though. Do you feel any sense of your grief easing yet? I remember when I started to feel not so sad all the time, and then I felt guilty about not grieving so much. Even now I take a certain amount of comfort in my grief. I wouldn't want to ever have it not hurt, at least a little.

My mother said that when my baby died she felt a double pain. One for the loss of the grandchild, but even more so because she saw how deeply it hurt her child to lose a child. You feel the depth of both of those sorrows PLUS losing Nick.

My faith tells me you will see Nick again and it will be a happy reunion. And I don't know Nick at all, but I can see how much you love him and know that he must feel the same way for you. I'm sure he would want you to be happy again and to know that he is at peace. Your loss is compounded because he died by his own hand, but I just know that he's not suffering anymore and that his soul is calm and peaceful. If he could reach out and hug you, he would. And he would say "Mom, it's okay. I love you." Even so, I know it's hard — especially for a mother. God gives us these very deep and strong feelings for our children and when one of them is torn from us it makes the ache hurt all that much more. I can see from you already that you're a strong woman and full of faith, but I know that what you're feeling is deep and real. It's just a long road and there's no shortcuts on it. My heart goes out to you.

Much love, Shelly