Handsome Nick

Hi my sweet Angel Boy,
Today marks 11 months since you flew away to Heaven with all the other Beautiful Angels!!! My heart is sad today to say the least, I miss you so very much. I cannot even believe you have been gone 11 months. I feel the way Greg does about it all.... it seems like we just saw you last week and yet it feels like forever!!! He said he's not in denial, it just doesn't completely feel real even after all this time. I think it is a way for our minds to protect us from experiencing even greater grief and pain. It has been a rough 11 months, good, bad, sad and everything in between. I miss you. We all miss you. But all in all, we are recovering and healing, sticking together and regaining our the structure in our lives. The love I have in my heart for you Nick will last a lifetime, even though you are not here...your love for me lives on forever. Sometimes when I look at pictures and you are looking straight into the camera, it looks like you are looking right at me and it is almost like you are standing before me. I zoom in and look for a looooong time.
I decided I would watch your slide show today, and Shelby's. If I can't beat this I might as well try and come to grips with it! I don't know how else to deal with you not being here, except to embrace all the good and all the love you so freely shared and gave to me while you were here. It brings some comfort, and little relief now, but I do know I will be with you again some day my sweet Nicholas James.
You are precious and beautiful son, and I love you so much.
I'm going to The Garden in a little bit to bring you flowers. I went there 2 days ago and someone left a beautiful cross wind chime for you on your tree. Thank you whoever left it. I might have to take them down when winter comes so they stay nice. Lloyd said just buy new ones, but I didn't buy them all. They came from lots of people, me, tab, Beck and others. Norma and Christian brought you a Beautiful ceramic cross and that is by your headstone, it is so pretty. You have all kinds of people bringing you little gifts all the time Nick, I have to continually straighten make room for things. I save everything.
Speaking of ceramics...Journey is taking a ceramics class this semester, and she loves it. She got into that class because we had her Gym and Cheer leading hours converted into P.E. credits. It's pretty cool. Her hamstring still hasn't completely healed but it is doing better. I'd say she has another 2 weeks before she will be 100% again.
We are going today to get Greg and Christina's flowers for Homecoming. Last year they didn't do a very good job on their flowers but made it right by not charging us this year. Me and Cherri fixed it nice though and it was all good. Tomorrow Journey and I will go shopping for a beautiful dress. The theme is "A night in the Clouds". It will probably be a blue dress, with multi shades and maybe a touch of white. It will be fun shopping for her first Homecoming dress. Oh an, she's gonna look so beautiful...I can't wait.
I love you my sweet boy, I love you so much.
I will write you later.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
I love you more ~moma~