June 04, 2009
Good morning my beautiful angel boy:I my beautiful Nick, I miss you my boy and I have been having a very hard time with missing you. I swear to heaven, NO-ONE I mean NO-ONE really freaking gets it!!! NO-ONE, no-one but a mother and father, and then we don't even get it. When our husbands die they have a name for it..she's now a 'widow". If our parents die they say we are "Orphans". But what is the name for a parent the moma, the daddy who loses their child or baby? There is no name for it, and I had a guy tell me yesterday at Jordon's funeral, what do they call it when a parent lose's their child? and I looked at him and said, there is no name for it for us, for the nightmare because.....OUR CHILDREN AREN"T SUPPOSED TO DIE BEFORE US PERIOD!!!! That's why there is yet to be a label, title, name for it. Maybe it is something to carefully consider, because the truth is, our children are dieing before we do. This is why I cannot make any sense of it, You, Shelby, Jordon, and all the other babies and children buried in that cememtery. There have been 6 babies layed to rest son since June of 08. That's too many babies dieing. I miss you and ache for you my baby, my boy, my son, my Nick!!!I am not in a very good frame of mind right now. I am perplexed, angry and downright lonely for you. I miss you so freaking much it makes me sick to my stomach.I simply and profoundly miss you. I will write you later Nicky, I love you so much my sweet son, I miss you, I love you more ~moma~
June 03, 2009
Hi son,I love you baby, and moma misses you terribly Nick!!! Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick. Why did you leave me son, why oh why son!!! I just don't understand. I miss you. I am trying to get on with life,even just a little bit! But I realize I am magnetically drawn back to missing you and wanting you to the point of defeat...everytime. I try and try and try and try and I try. Try I might, I only seem to get so far, then I am right back to Oct. 23rd 2008. What am I gonna do my son, how am I gonna do this WITHOUT Y O U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Sweet Dreams" my "sweet Nick".I miss you I miss you, I love you more ~moma~