Good morning son

I love you baby,
Football allllllll day. I am watching the 49er's of course, then Monday night football will be GB vs Vik... Go Green bay!!!
You have the best seat in the house. The Raider's lost to Houston...sorry babe!
After it rained all night, the wind decided to blow all day today. Your chimes are good. The dust is everywhere and it is cloudy today.
I will write you when the game is over.
I love you sweet boy.
Moma misses you....
I love you more ~moma~
Game over and OMG Nick, you are not gonna believe this. The niner's played the cardinals and shut them out!!! 35-0 that's right zip, notta, zero score for St. Luise. I don't get the station it comes on but I found a way to watch the game on my comp. No sound, but it's play by play showing a field, kinda weird but at least I got to know they were kicking butt. It was an awesome day for football today. Also, Denver beat Dallas...yesssss!!! Monday night football's gonna be good. I need to start having Monday night football with my girls friends. I have 3 girlfriends that love and know football well. Either that or we gotta start getting to together on Sunday's because all this is too much excitement for me, gotta share it. It's funny cuz we will be texting each other throughout the games. We are all so busy even when we are home watching the games. Lloyd and the kids were all here today but, there's always something else to do too. We all have kids to feed and love on, and laundry stacked up. But I'll bet if I put one together they would come. Just mention Chocolate cake and they'll come a runnin :).
Anyway, it's been a long, long time since I have enjoyed a football game let alone a Niner's one.
I went to the your garden today and made sure things were tightie...it was that windy. Lloyd, Greg, Journey and myself went. We cleaned off your stone from all the dust, it was thick. I rearranged your chimes so they wouldn't break in the wind. And when we left something happened today that has NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER has happened before. I didn't cry!!! I realized that by the time I was to the railroad tracks. I whispered it to LLoyd that this was the first time in almost a year of visiting your garden that I didn't cry while there or when I left. He just smiled and took my hand. Then you wanna know what happened, yep I started crying because I felt bad for not crying. Oh my goodness, this whole thing has got me crazy I swear.
I know it was good but I also realize I'm healing, even if it is just a little. I went to your garden with such urgency, to make sure things were ok after a night of raining and a morning of terrible wind and dust, I was afraid things would be a mess, they weren't. I did cry this morning thinking of you and I am crying now, but for the first time in 346 days, of those days I have come to your garden, I didn't cry. I really do wish someone could explain all this to my heart. Perhaps God is, for in my own understanding It makes no sense, no sense at all.
I miss little ShelbyPaige baby girl so much. I miss her sweetness, her chubby cheeks, her roley poley arms and legs, her eyes and the smell of her skin. I miss seeing the love in her eyes for me. I miss kissing her and calling her "Nana's Girl". I miss it all. And I miss what could have been, for sure. I miss you both and there are no words to describe what it feels like...cuz there are none. I swear Nick I could write you forever, and I will, until one sweet day I too will be with you.
I still sleep with your shirts on at bedtime. I gave Journey a pair of your jammy bottoms and she loves them, you know the ones with the monkeys on them with the hole in the back, she won't let me sew it either. Greg wears your beanie's everyday.
Friday night we went to the Richland Bombers game against Hanford and I knew it would be chilly, so before I even left I went into your draw (a special one with only your clothes in it and put on your long johns, I am so glad I did they kept me warm and it was great. I know they are supposed to fit snug, and they fit perfect. I only weigh 117-122 and I know you were at least 145. Lloyd brought a couple blankets just in case. He said I should put it up around my back. I told him my back wasn't cold( and it wasn't) cuz Nick's keeping it warm!!!
It is getting past 11 and past my bed time so I better get to sleep. I am taking the kids to school tomorrow as I try and do that once a week, they love it. It saves them a 30 minute trip on the bus.
I miss you my sweet sweet Nicholas James.
I will write you later. I love you so much and Shelby Bear too.
I love you more...forevermore ~moma~