I miss you son

October 26, 2009
Good morning my son,
I love you and miss you.
It's raining out today and it is really windy, so the leaves are blowing around everywhere! i don't like it when the trees go bare, but it sure is pretty to see them change colors just before their gone.I got the house put back together again. So much work, but it sure feels good when it's done. We have two dinning room tables, I have to keep one clear so we can have family dinner at the table, it's really important that we have that back. For so long we ate at the bar or front room after you went to heaven. It was so hard to make the normal happen when everything was not normal anymore! We are doing better at getting together at dinner time and having family time.
I'm taking you a butterfly today Nick. I have a friend who makes candles out of this gel stuff. She can put glass or plastic items within the candles and they are pretty. I had her make me one two years ago with 2 butterflies in it. I never burned it until now. So I got the butterflies out of it and I'm gonna bring them to you and Shelby.I'm taking a road trip to Boise tomorrow with a friend on business. So I need to get things ready and planned for that, I have to leave at noon. Journey has cheer, so I have to make sure Daddy can do all this without my help tomorrow. Then on Friday night I am having a healthy pantry party with a few of my really good friends. you know the ones that are always there when you need them, never judge you, and love you no matter what?!!! Yeah, I have some great people in my life right now Nick, that are loving on me, supporting me and the family, and that are helping me through this rough time in our lives. Thank God for good friends. Our family is basically gone!:( but I am so thankful that my friends have been here for me and they have become "My family". I don't know what I would do without them, their love and prayers. I am blessed.I got a phone call yesterday from a friend of mine. We haven't seen and visited each other for a few years. Although we've seen each other and had small talk, we never got together for a long period of time until Sat. morning. After spending a few hours together, we decided we would go to "Wild Horse" on Fri the 7th. So me Jeri and Norma will go. I can't wait it is gonna be so much fun.Anyway, Jeri called me yesterday and said I have something great to share with you Tina. She said "I just want to let you know how much of an inspiration you are to me and tell you thank you for encouraging me to see things differently in my own life. A lot of people have said to me, I don't know how you do it Tina I would be outta here! I know God will make some good out of all the bad. She said she has been watching me for the past few days and that I am such a strong, strong person, and I am blessed to know you" I was blown away. I was crying and happy I could do that for someone. I didn't know how to receive it very well, I have been beaten down so bad the past year. I am starting to crawl again, at least I'm not still laying on the floor...motionless, helpless, and defeated, which is how I felt after you and Shelby died. I still miss you both immensely, but now I am feeling stronger, not so helpless, and encouraged that better days are ahead. The Lord knows we CAN USE BETTER DAYS!!!I love you sweet Nick, I miss you so much.I will write you later my love. Hugs and 3 kisses baby.I love you more ~moma~