Nicholas,
I love you son, I love you.
Today is Friday the 13th!!! I know you always thought the number 13 was good luck , not bad. In fact it was your favorite number! This is the 3rd Friday the 13th this year, the most times it can happen in 1 year, one was in Feb, one was your sisters 14th birthday on March 13th, and now today! All I know is, I don't and never have believed that a "number" actually has power. That's not to say some don't have significant meaning, because I know they do, but luck or bad luck doesn't exist in my book. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens by luck or coincidence, everything under the sun had purpose and meaning, everything. We may not know what that is every time, or in this life time, but that is what I Believe. But I find it interesting that Friday the 13th appeared 3 times this year!Yesterday was a very strange day. I pray for a great day today. parts of yesterday were great but all through the day odd things happened.Jess and I went to dinner last night at Olive Garden. We tried their pizza for the first time, it was pretty good, Jess really liked it. We had a good visit. She struggles so much with you and Shelby, my heart aches for her. I pray for her everyday that she finds her way THROUGH this. She has so much inside that is hard to settle with, as I know that to be true for me too regarding you and Shelby. This is where TIME comes into play, it will take some time, prayer and redirecting our thoughts in order to get through this alive! I love her so much, she is so tender. i wish I could take away her pain and make everything better for her. I told her last night what you shared with me when I came crying at your door a couple months after Nana passed away!!! I pulled up to your dad's house and you were on the porch. You came running to my car happy and excited to see me, and when you got closer you realized my eyes were full of tears and you just said, Ahhh whats wrong moma, and reached in through the window and hugged me, and said, Everything is gonna be alright moma, then you opened my car door and pulled me out of the car and hugged me ever so tight! So I shared that with Jess last night, and told her I don't know when things when ever "feel: good or right again, but I do know things will be alright, just as you told me Nick, I must believe. Things didn't get better for a long time, but everything was alright in the big scheme of life. After all I did have 3 beautiful, healthy children, an amazing husband, and Jesus on my side. I still haven't gotten OVER losing my moma, I think about her often and still cry about her being gone. i cannot count how many times I wanted her here with me (us) and how many times I wanted to call and share something, good, happy or exciting with her. It is the same with you Nick. I have had soooooo much to share with you, and only a wall to write it on :( I miss you so much it is a day-mare for me sometimes...you know like a nightmare only during the day. I will never understand why you had to leave me, I miss you so much son. It's one of those days Nick where I feel like I could write you forever and never stop. Today, I feel your absence in my life pretty heavily! my heart is heavy and my head hurts. pray for me son with the saints, that moma will get through the rough ones, it is days like this that I don't feel steady or sure of anything.I need to take care of some things son, so I better get going.I love you so very much my Nicholas James. There is no end to my love for you, and there seems to be no end in site to missing you either. I will trudge this road one more day looking for and appreciating all that is GOOD in it. I love you Nick, my Beautiful Boy.I love you more ~moma~