Hi sweet Nick

Just for today I will honour my child's memory
by doing something with another child
because I know that would make my own child proud.

Hi my beautiful son,

Well, Lloyd is gone only a day and I already feel alone, and the extra responsibility of taking care of the house, the kids, the animals, the bills etc. I've done it before plenty of times, but it is just still such a fragile time for me.

So, Journey had another night mare last night about her and I, dang devil...go away!!! I pray with her and for her and Greg both everyday, guess I need to pray more. She didn't go to sleep until after 4 am, I felt so bad for her. She was

really missing "you" like crazy last night, then with her Dad leaving for work to Tex. just put her into a frenzy, she got scared all over again that one of her family was leaving town and something might happen. She has had that fear since what happened to Shelby then you. So, she came in and slept with me the rest of the morning and missed school. It's ok though she is doing fine and her grades are great still. She just needs to sleep a good 8 hours a night that will help with her mood and thinking. I am looking into counseling for her, she is willing and I am so glad. Your Dad and I start our grief class on suicide next Mon.

So I took her to cheer tonight and stayed the whole time she liked that:) They have their first competition this sat in Kent, right next to Federal Way, where she was born at St. Francis hospital. We will drive up Friday morning stay the night then come home after they take 1st place in their division:)

Greg will stay with a friend Friday night. He is doing good. He tends to get a little more manly like when dad's not around, looking after sis and I. It is a good thing, he is such a good boy and very protective. But he still knows moma is in charge, and is very much a teenager, so it's all good. He helps out a lot with the things that Lloyd would do if he were here.

We went shopping us 3 and had pizza for dinner. The kids are in bed now, and it's getting late so I'd better say good night sweet boy.

I miss you to the ends of the earth...it's not fair that you aren't here, it's just not right. I miss you so much...hourly, daily still!!!

I will write you later son.

I love you more ~moma~