Nicholas Sweet Nicholas

Just for today I will accept that I did not die when you did,
my life did go on,
and I am the only one who can make my life worthwhile once more. I love you baby, I miss you so much Nick. With Lloyd being gone I do feel more alone. They are flying him to Chili in the morning for a week, so he'll be even further from me, but It doesn't matter how far he is, it's the fact that he isn't here everyday and night for that daily support in person.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I miss you.

I start my class on Mon. It will be a good thing, I want to be better, and happy again, whole, and healed. I want to laugh again and not feel guilty, or angry because it was denied you. I want to "LIVE" not just survive, I want to thrive and feel alive again! The healing is coming.

I am discovering that everyday a fragment of healing comes into my life, and I don't always see it that day because it is so small, but when I add a few days up I can see a blessing, something that helped, or know there has been a shift in this thing "they" call the grieving process. Though it is painful and difficult to walk through my days, I do know that by doing it "one day at a time", sometimes one momenet at a time, there is hope for a better day, for healing, a new word from God, a mended relationship, a blessing unseen or.... something. Something "NEW" something beautiful, something to be grateful for.

I miss your sweetness, your voice, your love, your smell, your hugs....I miss kissing you and being kissed by you!!! I miss you so, so, so very much:(

I love you more ~moma~