I love you son

Hi sweet boy... I miss you sweet son I miss you soooo much!!! I still don't know what to do without you!!! I'm still not myself and I am still sad and angry! I don't want to be though and I am hoping something will click in my head that will make me want to really " live" again. Help me Nick, help me!!! I try to be happy but all I ever think about is you and how very sad it is that you arent here!!! I KNOW it is normal. I had a lot of very long conversations with other momas while in Tenn. For some it has been 6 months and others 13 years and others 3 or 4 years! Some had just hit the 1 year mark!!! The most common thing I heard was " no matter how long it's been, all the momas still miss their children like it was yesterday that they died, and still cry an think about them everyday". That was sobering to me because I really do know now that I will have this ache in my heart forever, but that I also can survive it!!! I don't know how right now.... but they give me hope. I never want to lose the hope Nick!!! I'm scared I may though, if the truth be known! I just miss you so very very very much!!! My heart aches all the time:( I love you sweet boy, I love you so very very very much. One day we will be together again son, and we will never be sad again. Come see me in my dreams tonite son, come hug me and talk to me, okay? I miss you...I love you more ~moma~