Hi my Nick Nick

I miss you my beautiful son!!! I miss you more and more. The longer you are not with me the more I miss you!!! I still sometimes...actually often can't believe you are gone! I still think it is a bad dream, a horrible nightmare that I can't seem to wake from. Most people in life think I should have been able to move on from this by now!!! If they only knew, I will never fully move on from my beautiful boy dieing, but prayerfully I will be able to smile a real smile and laugh a real laugh some day and not feel bad about it. I was asked if I was stressed today?I said not too bad but I am sad, sad inside all the time. I can't help it my heart aches constantly for you, the hurt is so deep and never ever really goes away completely!!! Most will never u derstand that!!! But I do, because you are MY son, And always will be, that is why I hurt, that is why my heart is always sad, because I miss you with great passion and great pain! I wish I could hold you Nicholas.... And never let go:( never ever say good bye and stay with you forever! But I guess I will have to wait til I get to heaven to do that:) I love you baby, I love you and miss you so so much:(
I will write you later son. When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought of was you, the second think was saying the serenity prayer!!! It's all I have to give me hope and keep me going one moment still, at a time.
I lobe you more~ moma-~