Hello my Beautiful Boy

Hi my sweet son Nicholas...I love you baby and have missed you...incredibly so!!!! The past few weeks have been rough and tough...I know your 27th birthday is around the corner, and it pains me to NO end to know I won't be seeing you on your birthday Again!!! Ugh!!! I hate it I hate it so much:( it sucks like NOTHING in life ever has!!! You my love...should be here! I would love to see your beautiful handsome face and to see what an incredibly handsome man you would be:( my heart is so so so very broken, to be denied that beauty, joy and love! As I write this my heart aches and my eyes are full of tears, so much that I remove my glasses to be able to continue to write what is on my heart tonight:( We will celebrate you, your love your life and your birthday on the 24th...even if you aren't here with us Physically!!! For we shall NEVER NEVER EVER forget you...EVER! Greg misses you so much. He holds ALL of his feelings thoughts and emotions in about YOU! He shares some, but honestly he doesn't share his deepest pain of losing you with many!!! He misses you so much. Journey misses you too:( more than you could ever know!!! She does talk about you as does Greg, but they were and still are very broken over losing their Amazing, awesome big brother, Nick:( I know we are all still so broken and wounded over losing you and ShelbyPaige, but one day we will all be able to talk about our feelings openly and with great live and respect...for you. But still right now, it hurts too much!!! God knows our pain, and I know everyday He tries to comfort and bring pecs to each of our hearts!!! If only we will open then enough for His great live to enter, to speak to us and heal them!!! One day son, one day I pray we will all do that...and soon. I am so sick of suffering and being sad. But it is not by choice, trust me!!! It is because of the great love we knew and shared with you that it hurts so much to know you will never be Here with us again. God I miss you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so very very much son:( we are all hanging in there Nick...but it ain't easy...nit by a long shot son!!! We live and miss you terribly...still and always will. On a different note...we will be leaving for Hawaii in just 4 days:) it will be a much needed and appreciated time away with just us 4 spending time together in such a beautiful place. Making new and good memories of the love we already have for one another. I pray it strenghtens our live and bond with each other. Gid knows we need that:) I also know YOU my beautiful Nick Nivk and ShrlbyPaige will be right there with us in Hawaii, sharing in all the live and taking it all in:) I miss you Nick...so very much:( I will write you later my beautiful boy:) I live you mote ~ Moma ~