I love you Nick:) My heart has been filled with lots of beautful memories and good times of you. I have been have better days and happier thoughts of you for about 4 days straight now. I started feeling a bit better about your whole passing about 3 weeks ago. I read a book called Hinds feet on high places, that set the ball in motion I think. And as the book suggests...let sorrow and suffering become by friends as constant companions as opossed to being my enemies or dread. I would have never believed I could be saying this Nick, all I can say to this is, it has to be GOD, His mercy, His grace, His power, His love and His Divine Sovereigness to bring me to such a place in my mind as this. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still miss you as much as ever and always will, you will never be far from my thoughts and you will always, always be in my heart. But I am able to begin to celebrate your life with joy and smiles, and not dwell so deeply into the last day of your life on earth, your death and all the sadness of your passing. Your life was so much more than that. Your life deserves to be honored remembered in a beautiful light and celebrated, with love, goodness, sweetness, gratitude, hope, smiles, laughter, joy, hugs, kisses, beauty and thankfulness. You were an amazing son to me Nick. I will be forever grateful for your life and being your moma. I miss you with unending sorrow, but I will celebrate your love for me forever.
I didn't have any turkey for Thanksgiving, instead I had spagetti, Greg made it for me. It was deliscious. He is such a good son to me too. I am so very Thankful for him and Journey. They have kept me here, half sane and given me the reason to stay. I need to, they need me, I NEED THEM. They are beautiful human beings, awesome teenagers and I love them with all that I am.
I guess we will start looking at the fact that Christmas is knocking on our door. I hope to celebrate this one on purpose, with purpose and with a grateful heart for everything good in my life, which naturally includes you Nick. I will hand the stockings, put up a tree, make goodies, and buy gifts. I will do it to honor you and our lives. I know you want moma happy, I am starting to feel a bit of it for the first time in over 2 years. I love you sweet son. I thank you for the penny's the feathers and for your presence. Your not gone, your still here. I love you, I love you, I love you...
Forever in my heart, forever my son.
I will write you later Nick.
I love you more Moma~
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