***Nick Nick***

Geeze son, It will be Christmas in 2 days, and It doesn't feel like Christmas at all. It is always a hard time this time of year, nothing is the same and especially major holidays. They don't have the same joy or meaning anymore. I do hope that changes, as I love Christmas, but not since you died son

I am so sad without you here, I do pray I can live again with joy, and be a good Moma and be good to myself again. I feel like I have aged 20 years in the last 2, I've gained weight cuz I don't eat right, and I don't sllep very well. I still smoke and now I drink, I am self-destructing. I want to be well again, God help me.
I miss you so much Nicholas, I love you more Moma~