Morning son, Hi sweetheart. Even though it is 2 in the afternoon, it is morning for me. We all slept in today. I got up earlier about 8 because your sissy was getting sick, it was unexpected she was fine last night. So I had to call Melissa and ask her to come early to get the girls so I could take care of sis. She's feeling a little better now, but her tummy still hurts so we both just layed down and went back to sleep til now. Anyway, Mel came and got the girls. She's a good Moma and she has her hands full. So Mel and I were running errands esterday and your small picture frame fell off the magnetic chain hanging from my rearview mirror, so I stopped and Mel and I were trying to find it, all the sudden Mel finds it in the door pocket of the passenger side of my car. She takes it and pulls the feather out just as I am saying don't take the feather out. But it was too late, she thought something was stuck on it...she didn't know it was put there. You know the feather you gave me when I was standing at the post office a few weeks ago!!! So, we head off over to Target, and she goes in for a minute and comes out and she has this wierd look on her face like she just saw a ghost or something. She tells me this story about how she found this T-shirt that say's I love (with a heart) NICK. She pulls it out of the bag and sure enough, it was the only one there and it was Zoe's size. What a great new years gift especially for Zoe, Nick that was awesome. I love you babe, you still somehow manage to be so directly involved in all of our lives. So, here we are son, the beginning of another year 2009. I would have never thought in a million years that youwould not be here today with us the bring in the new year. I had so many hopes and dreams for you. I wanted to try and help see you through to a new year and help you and Jess work on looking ahead together about new dreams and new beginnings, for all of us. Then my worse nightmare became a reality. Poof!!!In a heartbeat, you were gone. When you left on Oct. 9th to go to Ca. I didn't want you to go, but I fully intended on seeing you again. I felt very uneasy about you going, I had reservations. You and I were also supossed to go see Dr. Bradley on the 16th and you were still gonna be in Ca. So, that upset me a bit because I was hoping we could go back again and talk with him about the next step for you, so you could start moving ahead. I want to rewind my life back to Oct 9th when I drove you to the airport that morning with your Dad. I never thought that wold be out last embrace. I am greatful for it and shall never forget it, yet it is ironic. That is where you made me get out of my car so you could hug me fully. I am so greatful you asked me to get out and that we hugged so tight. I watched you go toward the airpot and you turned back to see me waiting to give you the sign language "I love You" sign. We exchanged "I love yous" and a smile, then you were gone. Thank you son for all you gave me, for being such a wonderful baby, a beautiful boy, and an amazing son to me. We always had an amazing bond, sometimes we bickered about things but I know that is because we are both strong headed and very much alike in many ways. I miss you so much son, but I love you more ~Moma~