Hi my sweet Nick

Hi son,
I miss you Nicholas James!!!
Moma and Greg brought you and Shelby Bear flowers today. I hate going out there babe it is so so unreal to me to be visiting you at the Cemetery!!! It just isn't right...it is such a fucking downer. No matter what kind of a mood I am in when I head there, I ALWAYS end up leaving so so so so SAD! I cannot accept that your resting place has come before mine...AND that it is premature by 50 years or more. I know I'm rambling son, but these are the thoughts in my head, these and a gazillion others!
I miss you so very much son. I never want to be without my kids and now....well here I am without you! I don't get it. I don't want to get it. I am so sad and angry that things turned out the way they did. I miss You, Shelby, and Jess as a family, a beautiful family!!! I miss you here, I miss you with us, I miss you with her, I miss you EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME. I simply miss you and wish you were here son, god how I wish you were here.
I didn't dream about you last night Nick! I wonder if I will tonight. I miss your beautiful hazel eyes, I miss your contageous smile, and I miss your love that I FEEL when we hugged!! I miss your voice, your humor, your love, your life...you love for life. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
Sweet Dreams my sweet Nick, I love you more than words can say, I miss you more and more everyday. I will write you later my Nick, Nick!!!
I love you more ~moma~