Hi Nicholas

I love you babe, I miss you.
I have had a lot of anxiety this month knowing your 26th birthday is coming up and ....and well, you won't be here. I am really having a hard time with it! My birthday was hard but God gave me peace that day and blessed me with a lot of friends coming over throughout the day. Lloyd invited them all without me knowing it was awesome. Lloyd and I also went for a bike ride on your Repsol too. I felt you close son, very close that day. God covered me with his mercy and grace I have no doubt. I pray he will extend that same mercy and grace on your birthday. I'm scared son, afraid because I have never had to celebrate your birthday without you.
Poeple say its gets easier to bare as time goes by and I have not experienced that yet. It is still too fresh I guess, because it hasn't been barable at all. I miss you more and more with each passing day. I can't stand it. I miss you so much Nick. You shouldn't be gone! I do still want you back, I do I always will. I love you so much my Nicky! I miss you my boy.
I love you more ~moma~