Nicholas James, Nicholas James!!!
I love you son and I miss you like crazy, I so freakin miss you!!!
Ohhhh Nick, I'm crying now and all the time, the tears won't stop. My heart is full of you and yet....I miss you! It is a very hard concept to grasp.
I was going through an old stack of papers I tucked away in my old office and I found something very special. It is a "Happy Mother's Day " card from you. You were 19 years old:) It is so pretty, but it is what it says that just yanked my heart straight out of my chest. In a soft silvery and pink writting on the front it say's....
"From Your Son", Mom, you were the first example of a woman's gentle, caring ways, and though I may not always tell you, I'll always be thankful for your loving influence in my life. Of course there is a beautiful rose on the front too. Inside the card simply says, Happy Mother's Day with Love. But up top you wrote... "Mother, Thank you for Everything. I love you so much. At the bottom you signed it Love, Nick. When I found this card it threw me for a huge loop, I never expected to find it there. I read it and just had a melt down right there. I went over to the mantle and grabbed up your 11x14 picture of you and just pulled it tight against my chest and bawled like a little baby. it broke my heart, but it also filled it up with more of your love. Just when I think I am going along okay, I see, hear, think, find, feel or touch something that reminds me of you and your amazing love for me. My heart is broken...but in many ways it is healing too, it is so damn hard to explain. its an oxymoron! All I really know is I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!
I love you baby and I miss you.
Last night I went into Greg's room just before he fell asleep and asked him if I could have a hug, and he just opened his arms up and I lay down next to him and put my head on his chest and my arm around him and he put his arms around me and he feel asleep a few minutes later. I felt his love and comfort, and I also missed you, I needed you Nick with some flesh on it, and Greg has always had The warmest hugs, since I can remember. He let me cry no words were spoken. There didn't need to be, it wa beautiful. You were the one with A heart as big as the ocean, and Journey is a lot like you too, with a heart of compassion and love, especailly for kids and old people. You are all amazing kids. I am so grateful he hugged me and let me lay with him for a while.
The card is another beautiful gift that you left here for moma.
I love you sweet boy. I will write you soon my love.
I love you more ~moma~
I love you son and I miss you like crazy, I so freakin miss you!!!
Ohhhh Nick, I'm crying now and all the time, the tears won't stop. My heart is full of you and yet....I miss you! It is a very hard concept to grasp.
I was going through an old stack of papers I tucked away in my old office and I found something very special. It is a "Happy Mother's Day " card from you. You were 19 years old:) It is so pretty, but it is what it says that just yanked my heart straight out of my chest. In a soft silvery and pink writting on the front it say's....
"From Your Son", Mom, you were the first example of a woman's gentle, caring ways, and though I may not always tell you, I'll always be thankful for your loving influence in my life. Of course there is a beautiful rose on the front too. Inside the card simply says, Happy Mother's Day with Love. But up top you wrote... "Mother, Thank you for Everything. I love you so much. At the bottom you signed it Love, Nick. When I found this card it threw me for a huge loop, I never expected to find it there. I read it and just had a melt down right there. I went over to the mantle and grabbed up your 11x14 picture of you and just pulled it tight against my chest and bawled like a little baby. it broke my heart, but it also filled it up with more of your love. Just when I think I am going along okay, I see, hear, think, find, feel or touch something that reminds me of you and your amazing love for me. My heart is broken...but in many ways it is healing too, it is so damn hard to explain. its an oxymoron! All I really know is I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!
I love you baby and I miss you.
Last night I went into Greg's room just before he fell asleep and asked him if I could have a hug, and he just opened his arms up and I lay down next to him and put my head on his chest and my arm around him and he put his arms around me and he feel asleep a few minutes later. I felt his love and comfort, and I also missed you, I needed you Nick with some flesh on it, and Greg has always had The warmest hugs, since I can remember. He let me cry no words were spoken. There didn't need to be, it wa beautiful. You were the one with A heart as big as the ocean, and Journey is a lot like you too, with a heart of compassion and love, especailly for kids and old people. You are all amazing kids. I am so grateful he hugged me and let me lay with him for a while.
The card is another beautiful gift that you left here for moma.
I love you sweet boy. I will write you soon my love.
I love you more ~moma~
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