Nicholas

Hi baby, I miss you
My daily reading topic for today is " Sorry About The Tears" yesterdays was "Deja Vu All Over Again". These are not coincidences!!! They are perfect, purposeful messages from God. He was, Is and always will be my "saving grace" What I do know is this son.. one day when I get to heaven there will be no more sorrow, separation or pain. I will see you and be with you forever and ever. God will wipe away every tear from my eyes, Rev 21:4. In the meantime, the tears will flow. My tears are proof I am made in His image. He knows my pain, as He too was separated from His son.
I found a penny tonight in our drive way, I haven't left the house today at all. I have been making calls, working on comp,laundry and taking care of all kinds of little things around the house that have needed my attention for the past year. It has been a productive day. I only went outside to take out the garbage, I looked in the car for some paperwork and when I closed the car door I saw the penny:)
I have a story. When we lived at 409 Delafield Journey drew you a picture with a flower and rain drops and a smiley face. She put it in an envelope and wrote Nick, then Journey on the front of it. Then she taped 3 penny's on the front. She was probably about 7 or 8 years old. I remember at the time you were wanting to buy something and she overheard you telling me all about it. So she went off and drew you a Happy picture and taped her penny's on the front to help you and make you feel better, it was too cute. From the very beginning you and her had this amazing bond! This is not to say that you and Greg didn't because you had an amazing bond with them both!!, But you have always loved Journey with such tenderness. thank you Nick for those beautiful memories. You were gentle with Greg too, they loved you so very much. They miss you so very much today. We have all missed you tremendously. Anyway, after I found that little envelope with the penny's still taped onto it (I save everything, and glad I do), I showed it to Journey. She got goose bumps after reading it and water in her eyes. Then she said to me...I know NOW moma, your not crazy about "The penny thing". We both just giggled, we hugged each other then she took it to her room. Another touch of God's gentle and amazing love.
I am going to coffee in the morning, starbucks...I don't go there very often! I need to get to bed soon, so I am saying good night. I don't like this part...UGH!!! I love you and miss you sooooo much, I can't stand it. I got through another day, how oh how in my humanness and flesh do I do it, day after day?! I just don't know!!!
I love you my sweet boy Nicholas James.
Sweet Dreams son, and I will write you later.
I love you more ~moma~