Hi sweet Nick

Hi baby,
I miss you sweet son, I miss you so damn much!!!
You know what Nick, I hate depression, desperation,despair, anguish, grief, and all that mental bull----. Why can't we help those who deal with these issues, why why why. So many of you are gone because of them. I hate them, hate them, hate them. I am so damn angry with them. They took my baby YOU away from me. I know you didn't want to die son, you only wanted all the anguish and urgency = desperation, and pain to leave you. I know that son. I know you called 911 in hopes they would find you and help you...only it was too late, how??? How could your Aunt get you drunk and deny you, how??? How could your Aunt and Uncle kick you out at 4 am, how??? Why didn't anyone think to call the police for help, hellllloooo. Shit, your Dad even stopped looking for you, how??? I'm pissed at him too. How could he leave you, how could he??? Damn it son, I am so damn mad. Thanks a lot people!!! It didn't have to be like this, it didn't have to turn out this way. It should have NEVER ended this way, NEVER.
I miss you beyond belief...beyond belief.
i have had a very rough week, I am just gonna go to sleep, I don't want to think or feel right now, it hurts, it makes me very angry and I can't really think of anything or anyone else right now. I'm having a hard time just getting into the shower and brushing my teeth lately. I don't even care. My temper is explosive, my thoughts are crazy and my mood is low.
I want to kiss you so bad Nicholas James, I want to hug you and see your face, I want you, I want you, I want you!!!!
I love you, I love you more and more everyday your gone it seems to just get tougher and tougher.
I love you more ~moma~