Hi son :)

Hi sweet boy...I love you:) I miss you always! I took Journey out to lunch earlier this week and have a great time. We stopped at the santuary and sat and prayed, read some of the scriptures there and I was moved by them. So moved that I called the Chaplin the next day and asked to meet with him. Well we did meet yesterday and talked for a while. At the beginning of our conversation I explained what I have been through what our family has endured. We talked about things from the beginning, from before Shelby was born, out lives and such and when she was born what a blessing and blissful life we enjoyed. Then when she died and what the next 4 months was like for you, and all of us. It was such a horrific and devasting time in our lives. I talked about the excruciating pain and sorrow you were going through after losing your baby and the excruciating pain and sorrow I as your moma and the rest of our family went through watching you suffer in such deep deep sorow and torment of Shelby dieing:( I told him the story of the day before she died when you guys went to the river and you took Shelby for a ride in the boat on the river. And what you said to her...that one day she would grow wings and fly away like a butterfly, and that you would call her " your Butterfly" from then on. Of course none of us could have ever imagine that she would die the next morning!!! I was in California with Greg and Journey. We were due home the next day. I got that horrible call from you at 11:15 am that she was gone. I couldn't get home to you fast enough son:( yet I was on a plain within an hour of your call.
I shared with him how significant butterflys were in my life from an early age. Just about then a beautiful old lady walked through the chapel doors. I noticed her beautiful smile then how well she presented. She was a bright light Nick. The Chaplin knew her so she came over and we all talked. She shared a story about birds. How they instinctively know things. They have a built in navigation system within them, put there by God. They know when to rest, where to find food, and exactly how to get from one place to the other. She shared a lot more but this story stuck with me. I told het I live the birds and butterflys and that was what me and the Chaplin were discussing just before she walked in. I shared with her that I also loved flowers and said likewise only God could create such beautiful things in life, and described the beauty and intricacy of flowers. She then asked if I was an Artisit. I told her no of course! But she insisted that whatever it is I'm dealing with to allow and b open to the artist in me because she saw that Gi has given me a gift and believed He would use it to help me through. She said no matter what " don't give up" I took her words to heart son. Long story short we finished talking and we all went our ways. She asked if the Chaplin would let her know how I was doing from time to time I gave him permission to do so. But I went home son feeling full, inspired, heard and very lived and encouraged after that. I had a glimmer of hope of a better future, something I haven't been able to see or believe in a very long time:)
I am just quietly praying and pondering our conversation that day. Chaplin Tom said that he believed God sent her there for me. I knew that as she was appoaching us to talk. I felt it. I came to speak with the Chaplin but God sent Irene, no doubt. She had a powerful and beautiful message for me. I received it.
While I was there I noticed a picture in a frame there of a bridge. Actually it was 2 bridges, but I had to study it for a few seconds before it became apparent to me. As I sat there and studied the picture Nick, God began to speak to me about that picture. The bridge was broken, weak, beat down, fragile, worn out, and no longer serve it's purpose. It could no longer get someone across the waters below, and most importantly it could not lead you out of the Forrest. It left you all alone. You were stuck there unless there was a bridge to help you. Then as I looked at the picture I realized there was a second bridge. It was new, strong, bright, beautiful and renderd useful. It would allow for one to cross the waters below AND most importantly this bridge lead you out of the woods. You were no longer, stuck or alone. This bridge would lead you home, it would lead you to Freedom at last!!! Wow what a revelation. It was a beautiful, metaphor. One I took to heart and hope not to ever forget. The bridge, the birds, the flowers and Irenes suggestion of an artist. Also Tom asked if I had ever considered writing a book about my life, our lives, our story. Actually I have, infact I somewhat feel like all the blogging and writing I've done is my story, a book in the making! All I know son is I will have hear clearly from God about it!!!
Well it's Friday and I am not feeling all that great. So I'm gonna get get some mire medicine son and lay back down. I just wanted to share my heart, and who better to do that with than you my handsome boy:) I love you so very much Nick Nick. Always my boy, always my live, always, always in my heart.
I live you more ~moma~